Page 22 of Doctor Daddies

Because, right now, it feels like I’m inching closer and closer to that conclusion. And that is the very last place I want to be.

When there’s so much resting on my shoulders.

11

JAMES

“There we go.”I grunt as I dump the last box of books on to the floor.

Millie runs a hand through her hair, catching her breath as she looks around. “I think that’s everything,” she remarks, planting her hands on her hips. “Guess I’ve just got to get to the unpacking part now…” She sighs and stifles a yawn, clearly already exhausted.

I pat the couch next to me, nodding for her to sit down. “Come on, rest,” I murmur to her gently. “You can’t keep going all the time. You have the babies to think of.”

My gaze drifts down to her belly, and she rolls her eyes, laughing slightly.

“I thought you were supposed to be the expert at this stuff,” she reminds me. “There’s no baby. At least, not yet. We need to take a test in a few weeks, see if any of them have taken…”

“I know,” I murmur. “But still.”

Truth is, I can see how vulnerable she’s feeling right now, her knees tucked up underneath her, hair pulled away from her face. I guess it can’t be easy, having the truth of a secret child exposed like that when you had worked so hard for so long to keep him to yourself.

And then having to move house because Ross wouldn’t stand for her living somewhere that wasn’t basically right under his nose, as if she might have other kids that she’s sneaking around without us knowing about it.

For the time being, Lewis is with her brother; Millie asked Matt to take him out for a while, explaining that she was moving into a new apartment for work and would pick him up later. Not entirely untrue—the apartment she’s living in now is a far cry from the one I helped her clear out, that’s for sure. Her old apartment was so small I don’t know how they could even fit two people in there at the same time.

As I loaded the van, I found myself looking over remnants of the boy—books, clothes, toys, games. Small pieces of his life. The child that I only discovered earlier today, who, as it turns out, has been around for five years.

At first, I was pissed at Millie for keeping him from us, but it was hard to stay mad when I saw that she had boxed up almost all of her stuff by the time I got there. She is keen to make amends, that much is for certain, and for the time being, at least, I am happy to accept them.

I guess I’ll have to meet him soon enough. My son. Our son? I don’t know what to call him. It’s not like any of us know for sure who the father is, nor have any of us bothered to ask. I don’t think it really matters to any of us who it turns out to be, at least on a biological level.

When it comes down to it, that boy belongs to us, belongs to that night we were all together, and nothing will change that.

But I’m glad I have a little time to gather myself before I see him for the first time. I want to make certain that I’m putting my best foot forward, proving myself to him in every way I know I’m able.

“I can stick around and help you unpack, if you want,” I suggest, with a shrug.

I want to keep it casual between us, especially considering everything that has been revealed in recent history, but it’s difficult when I know there’s so much still hanging in the air, unspoken, between us. When it comes to the matter of everything we’ve been through, how do I just brush it aside as though it’s nothing?

I know the answer. I don’t get to just pretend nothing happened between us. Given that the night we spent together could well have made me the father of her child.

But all I find myself thinking about is how much I want her—how I would do just about anything if it meant I could be alone with her again, to see if that chemistry burns with the same intensity it did before.

“Uh, no, don’t worry about it,” Millie replies with a slight frown. “You’ve already done so much for me today, you must have other things to be getting on with?—”

“Nothing I’d rather be doing,” I reply firmly.

She doesn’t look like she believes me at first, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip, but when she looks over the boxes again, she seems to reconsider.

“Well, I guess it wouldn’t be a bad idea,” she confesses. “I don’t know how much longer Matt is going to have Lewis for, and I’d at least like to have the worst of it out of the way by the time he gets here.”

I reach down to pull open one of the large containers in front of us, mostly full of clothes. “So, where are these going to live?” I ask, not giving her another chance to think better of it.

She runs a hand through her hair, peering into the box, and then nods toward the bedroom. “My room,” she replies. “God, I think there might actually be enough wardrobe space to fit everything in this apartment. I’ve been living out of a couple of big bags for so long.”

I carry the box through to her room, and we begin to unpack together, the sunlight streaming through the window beside us. She pauses for a moment after dumping some clothes into the wardrobe in front of us, closing her eyes and letting the sun play on her face. The way it picks out her features, it makes it hard for me to think straight, and I have to avert my eyes quickly before I get distracted from the task at hand.

“It’s going to be so nice to wake up somewhere with actual sunlight.” She sighs as she makes her way over to the window, leaning on the sill to peer out onto the street below. “My old apartment, it was in the middle of all these massive buildings, and the sun was always blocked off first thing in the morning…” She sounds slightly wistful, and I pause for a moment, leaning on the box.