Page 17 of Doctor Daddies

I don’t know how the hell they’re going to react when they figure out the truth, though.

Anger? Probably.

That’s what I would feel, if I were in their shoes. Especially knowing that it’s not even like I haven’t had access to them. If I had wanted to get in touch with them, I could have reached out at any time through Matt and let them know that they had a little boy.

But I didn’t. I kept it to myself, and now he’s five years old and I think I’m well past the point of no return on that matter.

At home, Lewis is in a good mood. He seems to have perked up since Matt came back from his conference, and I’m more than happy to bounce off of his energy.

“You want to go out and get some of those pastries you like?” I suggest, and he glances up from the coloring he’s doing on the floor, eyes lighting up.

“For real?” he asks, and he sounds so surprised that my chest aches a little. I wish it wasn’t such a surprise to him, when I’m able to do something nice for him like this.

“Yeah, for real,” I reply, holding out my hand to him. “You want to get your shoes on?”

He gets dressed to go out, and I slip my purse into my handbag, glad that, for a change, I don’t have to worry about money. It’s an odd feeling, to have such an enormous weight lifted from your back that has been pressing down on it for so long, but Iguess I’m going to have to get used to it. Once the implantation happens, there will be a million dollars in my account, and I won’t have to worry about a few hundred here or there.

We head down to the store together, and go to the gluten-free section at the back to find the rocky road croissants that he loves so much. They’re ridiculously expensive, which is why we don’t have them very often, but they seem to be one of the few foods he can actually stomach without getting sick. We head to the counter to pay, and he darts between the cracks in the tiles, dodging each one carefully.

“Making sure you have good luck?” I ask.

He glances up at me, his foot hovering over one of the cracks. “I’m making sure that we can get pastries every night.”

I laugh and brush a hand over his sandy-blond hair. “Here’s to hoping, huh?” I murmur, and I pay up and set off in the direction of home once more.

I let Lewis set up a movie and I lay out the pastries on a plate for us to share. Normally, I would be on the computer, doing everything in my power to apply to every job in the greater New York metro area, but it’s nice to be able to unwind with him for a change.

I sit down on the couch next to him, balancing the plate between us, and turn my attention to the small screen of the laptop which is perched precariously on the edge of the coffee table. You can barely it hear it from here, but it’s the best we can do to keep it plugged in while it plays.

“So, what’s this one about?” I ask Lewis, as I put my arm around him and rest my head against his.

“It’s this story about a dragon,” he explains excitedly as the title flashes up on screen. “Uncle Matt showed it to me. I thought it was really cool and I wanted to show it to you.”

“Well, don’t worry, I’ll give you my full review by the time the credits roll,” I promise him, planting a kiss on the top of his head and reaching to tear off a piece of croissant before popping it into my mouth.

I want to make the most of nights like these while I still can. After all, I don’t know how many more of them I’ll get. Nights where it’s just the two of us, where the truth of Lewis’s history doesn’t come out to play—before I’m pregnant again, this time likely with multiples, and I go through that whole experience while raising my little boy.

And then, I hand off those children to their fathers—who just so happen to be the same people who brought Lewis into the world.

Now that I put it like that, I know it’s a mess I shouldn’t have let myself get dragged into. But there was something about the way they looked at me, the hope in their eyes, that made me want to do nothing more than what they were asking for. How could I not? I’ve already had one child with these men; why not have more?

I lean back on the couch, brushing all that from my mind and bringing myself into the moment once more. Right now, it’s just my son and me, and that’s all I can let my thoughts linger on.

9

COLE

“You comfortable?”I ask Millie, as she sits behind the screen.

“Uh, yeah, as comfortable as I’m going to be, I think,” she replies. There’s some obvious doubt in her voice, and I pull the curtain back slightly so I can see her.

“You sure you don’t need anything?” I ask softly.

She manages to smile at me, though it looks a little strained. “Yeah, I’m okay,” she replies. “Just…just getting used to the thought of it, is all.”

“If you want to change this to another day?—”

“No, I’m ready for it,” she replies, her voice taking on a more certain edge. “Besides, I just want to get this over with. This is the hard part, right?”