Page 166 of Cautious Love

He fills a glass for me and downs his own.

“I think we both need some shut-eye,” he says, setting the glass in the sink.

I follow him up the stairs into one of the guest rooms. He sets a bag for me, presumably with his clothes in it, on the chair to the side and turns to leave.

“Ledger?”

He hums, turning around. The lights are off, and I can barely see him.

“Thank you for everything.”

“Always,” he rasps and closes the door behind him.

Indecision bounces in my heart like a pinball. I want him to stay. I want him with me.

I throw the door open, only to find Ledger standing there with his back to me.

“Ledger?”

He turns around and drops his bag. “I don’t want to sleep without you anymore,” he whispers, as if it’s a secret.

“Then stay with me.” I grab his wrist and pull him into the room and shut the door.

He flips on the light and unpacks his bag, setting his gun on the nightstand and wandering into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

When he’s done, I watch him drop his jeans and t-shirt, and I pull off all the decorative pillows.

He stares at me from across the bed, and something settles in my chest.

I love this man.

He reaches down and flips the light off, breaking the spell, and we crawl in bed together. I don’t know what time it is and I don’t care anymore.

We lay side by side and I don’t know what to do. It almost feels as if everything is new again.

His hand brushes mine, sending a shiver up my arm.

We’re like crashing waves, coming at each other and pushing up the shore, then receding back into the vast ocean. Only I don’t want to recede anymore. I want to collapse so deeply into him that I don’t care if I ever come back.

I lift a finger, wrapping it around his, and he curls his own, holding mine in place.

When we were apart, I learned a few things about myself. I’ve always been capable of being on my own. That was something I never needed to prove to myself. The ability to pay bills and make myself dinner might make me independent, but that’s it. It doesn’t give me the chance to care for someone heart and soul, or learn what it means to sacrifice for someone you love. It doesn’t open my eyes to what happens when I have someone at my side, ready to dive in with me.

I proved to myself that I love my husband because I lovehim. It wasn’t born out of some twisted savior complex because I feltbad about everything he was giving me and received very little in return. No, it’s simply because.

And that’s enough.

“We’re taking the Kensingtons down tomorrow. It will all happen at once, and it could get messy.”

I sit up on my elbow, needing to see his face.

“Ledger, they’re dangerous. They won’t go down without a fight.”

“I’m aware. But I wanted you to know. So tomorrow, rather, this morning, you’re going to stay here while this goes down. I can’t wonder if you’re safe and do my job at the same time.”

“I don’t want you to go. I can’t lose you, not after everything.”

He turns his head, and we lock eyes in the dark. “I have to Shy. I know you know that. This is not only my job, but it’s been a long time coming. They’ve hurt and killed a lot of people, either directly or otherwise. Remember Bella Montgomery?” he asks.