Page 131 of Cautious Love

It was not my intention to tell her how I feel today. But I told myself when it felt right, I would do it. It felt like the only way to get her to see.

“I’m not doing this out of obligation, or because it’s right. I’m not saying that in an attempt to manipulate you into doing what I so desperately want you to do. But I’m telling you because I can’t lose you. You can’t get hurt because I didn’t do my job as your husband to protect youbecauseI love you.”

Her eyes glitter, and her cheeks turn pink, and I’m not sure if I broke her or she’s still processing.

I drop my hands giving her a second. She licks her lips and blinks, a tear slides down her face. I wipe it away not sure if those are happy or sad tears.

“You can’t,” she rasps.

I huff. “Why can’t I?”

“I’m no good for you,” she whispers.

Rolling my eyes, I take her hand and kiss her knuckles. It’s become an obsession of mine.

“Last time I checked, you don’t get to tell me whether I get to love you. I didn’t say it because I expect something back. I said it because I wanted to, and I wouldn’t have if I didn’t mean it.”

She blinks and her eyes glitter with unshed tears and it rips something apart in me.

“I really don’t like you right now,” she rasps.

“Well, you’re already married to me,” I mumble.

“I’m aware,” she says, swiping at her cheeks.

“I still love you, Shiloh.”

She takes a deep breath. “That was your first mistake,” she rasps, and disappears down the hall.

That didn’t go as I hoped it would. She might need time to accept this. Everything has happened quickly between us. For me, it’s not a question or a debate. I already decided. There’s nogoing back for me. But I recognize it may not be that simple for her.

I want to hide her at home, on the ranch, maybe even here, but she’s not going to let me. I understand why, but that doesn’t mean it’s the right choice either.

I push myself as hard as I can on the treadmill. Maybe I’m running from my frustrations, or the fact that Shiloh said I can’t love her because she’s no good for me. Or the fact I’m constantly nervous about Grey getting to her, yet we haven’t heard a peep from him, and everything is almost coordinated with the DEA to take the Kensingtons down.

Suffice to say, our date last night did not go well. I suppose that’s what I get. I’m not known for being romantic, but Shiloh brings a lot of things out of me. I thought maybe she could feel the same way. When we’re together, it comes across that way, but maybe I was wrong.

After I beat myself up with weights and running further than I normally do, I hit the showers and get into the office. Everything we’ve been working for starts today.

I beat the day shift in because it’s just now five in the morning. I wasn’t concerned about waking up, Shiloh because she didn’t sleep with me last night. My heart twists in my chest, and I rub the twinge.

I still have an hour until Shiloh needs to be at the diner. It doesn’t matter that I’m frustrated with her and everyone else. I told her I wanted to take her to work and pick her up and I will regardless of my feelings, or hers. I keep my word.

Grabbing a cup of coffee from the pot I’m pretty sure they brewed last night I take a sip of the jet fuel and get to work. Setting up this sting doesn’t require mountains of paperworknow. We’re trying to keep the chain of communication as tight as possible and that also means nothing written down.

I’m a little paranoid about all of it. My people are loyal and trustworthy. That’s not the issue. It’s more like this is a small town, and if someone accidentally slips, just a little, it could get back to the Kensingtons, put Will in even more danger, and then all of this will be for nothing. More people will die from drug abuse and God knows what else. I’m tired of this in my town, and it’s time to cut out the rot.

While I wait for my DEA contact, I handle other paperwork that has to be done, like checking schedules and payroll, on top of overtime. By the time I’m finished, it’s time to go get Shiloh.

It takes me five minutes to get home and I open the garage only her Jeep isn’t in there.

Groaning, I walk into the house and find Dozer in his kennel. I grab his water bowl and some treats and carry him in his kennel to the truck. Looks like he’ll be with me for the day. He’s a pup and shouldn’t be left alone all day. I’m sure Shy was banking on me coming back to get her only to find the dog.

The joke is on her because I’m going straight to the diner and ignoring the major responsibilities I have today.

When I pull up to the side of the street, I get Dozer on a leash, let him pee in the grass and walk into the diner.

Sure enough, Shiloh is pouring Mr. and Mrs. Crenshaw some coffee and astutely ignoring me.