Page 81 of Forever King

Taking my glass of wine in one hand and my shoes in the other, I head for the living room but stop when I see a note on the table. He can be so thoughtful sometimes.

Salem,

I’m up at Matthias and Ava’s. I’ll probably be back late, so don’t feel like you have to wait up. I hope your day and that interview with the cheating husband went great. I’ll try not to wake you when I get in.

Love,

Kellen

I smile and turn back to continue on into the living room. Kellen King is a lot of things, some entirely too frustrating some days, but when he’s cute and sweet like he was in that note, I can’t help but forget those times he drives me nuts. He’s never been perfect, but he is the man I love.

As I settle in on the couch, I think about his fixation on marriage lately. He looked so hurt when I told him the other night that I didn’t want to get married. I may have handled the whole talk of marriage poorly over the years. I never wanted to hurt him. I simply hoped if I kept pushing him off with vague answers of someday that it would eventually become a non-issue.

It’s not that I don’t love him. I’m crazy about Kellen. I have been since a few hours after we first met. He charmed me almost instantly, and to this day, I can’t imagine how I ever could have thought I hated him. Well, leaving me at that resort had something to do with that, but he made up for his mistake, and it’s been smooth sailing ever since.

We’re not like his brothers and their wives. We like being who we are. Marriage isn’t something we need. It’s that simple. Maybe if I needed his money it might be an idea I’d be more enthusiastic about, but I don’t. I make enough money all on my own.

I’ve considered marriage more times than I can count with him, but I always come back to the same issue. I felt it today when I stood in that room with Chase and Cheyenne Parker. He’d done everything to ruin their lives, and the pressure to stay clearly weighed heavily on her, but why? Why after all he’d done to screw up did she think she should remain his wife? I felt that almost smothering pressure myself as I stood there, and all I could think was how much I hated that for her.

That’s not something I ever want to feel in my life.

Not that I think Kellen lies to me or has cheated on me. It’s not that I think it’s possible he will either. I simply never want to put myself in a position where that could happen and I feel exactly what Cheyenne felt today after the news broke that Chase cheated on her again.

Kellen and I are perfectly fine the way we are. His brothers and their wives can love their lives and their children, and we’re happy for them. It’s just never been the life we want.

I do have to admit, though, that after spending some time with Cheyenne and her daughter that I can see why some people love the idea of having children. She is a cute little girl, and when she laughs, you can’t help but smile.

That’s not me, though. I don’t want to spend nine months gaining weight, having swollen legs, and worrying about labor and delivery. I watched Eden suffer for her entire pregnancy. I couldn’t do that. Even more, I don’t like being around newborns. They freak me out. I never know why they’re crying.

It’s too bad children don’t come out like full-fledged humans.

30

Kellen

My palms feellike I dipped them in warm water right before I came into my brother’s office, so I wipe them along the front of my pant legs to dry them. I’m as nervous as a seventh grader on his first date. Then again, I have good reason to be worried. I might have to break the news I’m a father to Salem, and what happens then I imagine will be my worst nightmare come true.

Matthias walks in and sits down at his desk. He looks like a normal person should. Calm, cool, collected. I look like I’m about to fall apart into a puddle of pure anxiety.

“Did you have a good night last night?” he asks, knowing I didn’t.

“Well, since I slept at your house because I’m avoiding Salem, I’m pretty sure the answer to that would be a resounding no. I did enjoy Eleanor’s cooking me my favorite pancakes for breakfast, though, so if that turns out to be my last meal, at least I have that.”

My attempt at a joke makes him laugh. “Your last meal? Why? Do you think Salem is going to kill you if the news is you’re the father to that little boy? I never took her for a homicidal woman. I’d guess she’d more than likely simply never speak to you again instead of bashing your head in or pushing you off the balcony at the penthouse.”

None of this is helping. Why do brothers have to be such assholes when you need them to be goddamned understanding?

“Maybe I plan to kill myself. Ever think of that?” I snap back at him.

He waves off that possibility without another thought. “No. It’s not your style, Kellen. You don’t turn inward. You turn outward and lash out at others when something bothers you. Anyway, I don’t think you should get yourself worked up over this yet. We have to hear what Greene has to say.”

“It’s nice to know you aren’t worried I might off myself.”

“Relax. Think of it this way. The worst that can happen today is Greene tells you you’re absolutely this child’s father. It’s not the end of the world. You pay child support and do the right thing. That’s it.”

My brother has a way of making things seem easy when they’re not. That’s it. Nice.

“That’s not it, asshole. I have to figure out if I want a relationship with him, and then after that, I have to tell Salem that I have a kid. She doesn’t want kids, so how do you think that’s going to go?”