Page 19 of Forever King

Then again, he’s never thought I was cheating on him.

I don’t get to answer him before he continues. “If you don’t want to work, that’s fine. I never want you to do something you don’t want to do. I just thought you loved it. I want to believe that’s all this is, but I keep having these thoughts that this is some kind of karmic payback for what I did in college.”

His words crush me, and I can’t stop the tears from coming. “I do love teaching, and I haven’t been doing anything that would hurt you. I swear.”

Normally, Ronan would come to my side and hold me when I’m crying, but he stays on the other side of the room when he asks, “What’s going on? Don’t you want to marry me?”

I dry my eyes and sniffle. “Of course, I do. Why would you ask that?”

“Because you’ve been lying to me for weeks and pretending to go to work and going God only knows where! That’s why!” he screams with so much emotion in his voice that I’m caught off guard.

This isn’t how I expected this to go. Ronan is usually so calm and understanding.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you think I was cheating on you or that I didn’t want to marry you. I’ve just been…”

The words that could explain what I’ve been dealing with get caught in my throat, and I start to cry harder. As I sob into my hands, Ronan wraps his arms around me, comforting me even though I’m sure he’s spent the last hours doubting everything he thought he knew about me.

“Kate, what’s wrong? If it’s not the wedding and you love teaching, why did you quit your job? And why couldn’t you tell me?” he asks in a quiet voice.

Unable to stop crying, I try to explain what’s wrong with me. “I’m afraid to go into the city alone. I’m a grown woman who’s too afraid to go to my job that I loved because I’m worried the next time they won’t just take my wallet.”

Ronan tightens his hold, hugging me and making me feel safe. “Oh, baby. Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling this? I would have made sure I could ride into work and pick you up myself when you were done for the day.”

I look up at him and shake my head. He doesn’t really get it, but I need him to.

“That wouldn’t solve the problem. You had someone drive me to and from work, and still I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t make myself go back to the city. I haven’t been there since I got mugged.”

“You haven’t?”

Shaking my head, I dry my eyes. “No. For the first few days, I called off sick. After my head teacher told me I’d have to get a doctor’s note and I knew I wouldn’t be able to since there’s nothing physically wrong with me, I sent them my resignation. It broke my heart too because I loved teaching. I loved my students. I just couldn’t bring myself to go back into the city.”

Ronan runs the pad of his thumb over my cheek and shakes his head. “I wish you would have told me. I feel terrible that you’ve been going through this all on your own.”

Sniffling, I try to smile. “I couldn’t because I was embarrassed. I’ve gone into the city my entire life. My God, I was only a teenager the first time my sister and I went there alone. It’s just…I was so scared when that man grabbed me, and the more I thought about it, the more frightened I got until I couldn’t even think about going back there.”

He wraps his arms around me again and pulls me to him. “Don’t worry. I know what we have to do.”

I squeezeRonan’s hand tightly as we wait for the therapist to sit down across from us. Three days ago, I confessed everything about why I left my job and lied to the man I love, and like he always has, he sprang into action. It’s one of the reasons I love him so much.

Dr. Santorelli smiles as he takes his seat in the leather chair in front of me. “Kate, it’s very nice to meet you. Are you comfortable having Ronan here with you for our session?”

With a smile, I turn to look at my fiancé and then back at the doctor, who reminds me so much of Brad Pitt. He’s a little more weathered than the actor, but something about the way he looks when he smiles makes me think of him in Ocean’s Eleven.

“I would like him to stay this time. I’m new at this therapy thing, but Ronan isn’t, and it makes me feel better having him here, at least for this first session.”

My new therapist nods and tells me he likes to take notes and asks me if that’s okay. I nod, thinking that reminds me of every time I had a meeting at my job and how I absolutely found it necessary to take notes.

“So let’s start with a basic question. How do you feel about what happened?”

I let myself answer with the first emotion that comes to my mind. “Scared. So scared. The worst part is I don’t know why.”

“Okay. Anything else?”

“Angry. I’m so angry sometimes I can’t see straight. Angry at that man for doing that to me. Angry at myself for reacting the way I have. And ashamed. So ashamed that something so insignificant could derail my dream job and I let it.”

Then I turn to Ronan. “I’m so sorry I lied to you and kept you in the dark. I love you. I can’t wait to be your wife next week. I just couldn’t talk about it because my fear and shame made it impossible. I promise I won’t be like that again.”

He gives me a sweet smile, the kind that never fails to make my heart melt. “You don’t have to say that. I love you, Kate. I want you to feel like you can tell me anything because you can. I’m not only going to be your husband. I’m going to be the person you can always talk to about everything.”