Page 72 of I Dare You
As ambiguous as that is, it’s all I can offer.
“You left to protect him?”
I shake my head.“I left to protect myself.”
“Against who?”
“Against myself.”
I glance over at Kit, who appears to be processing my unclear admission.“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to figure this out.What do you mean?”
“I mean that if I had stayed, I would have ruined everything and everyone I cared about.The pain inside me was so fucking suffocating that it changed me into someone unrecognizable, destroying the person I used to be.
“Leaving was my gift.I wanted him to remember who I was, not who I’ve become.”
“You’re incredible now,” Kit says, touching my cheek.
I want to believe him, but he only knows snippets of the story, the parts I’ve allowed him to see.He wouldn’t say that if he knew I was lying to him.He wouldn’t say that if he knew I was talking about his brother.
“Thank you.Truly.But I wasn’t fishing for compliments.”
“I know that,” Kit assures me, his touch still lingering.“I wasn’t giving you one.I was just telling you what I see.”
“You see what I want you to see,” I whisper, falling deeper and deeper under his spell.
“No,” he gently contests.“I see what you don’t.”
I’m speechless.
I’m touched.
And the reason for that is because I know he means it.
But he’s enamored by a lie, by the girl he thinks I am.
I close my eyes because it’s nice here in the dark, in a world of make-believe where I’m the hero and not the villain.Where I’m someone special to Kit.
“Why did you close your eyes?”Kit asks softly.
“I don’t want to disappoint you,” I confess.
“You are so far from disappointing, Cupcake.”
Again with the nickname?
It brings home the fact that I’m nothing but a liar and a murderer.I’m someone who doesn’t deserve to feel this utter contentment at being here with Kit.
I open my eyes, a breath catching in my throat when I meet Kit’s eyes.No matter how many times I see them, they always leave me speechless.
“You are unlike anyone I have ever met before.”
“Is that a good or bad thing?”I ask, confused and afraid.
A faint smirk tugs at his full lips.“I don’t know yet.”
As ambiguous as his reply is, I understand exactly what he’s trying to convey.And the reason for that is because I feel the same way.
“Walk away then.Walk away before it’s too late.”
