Page 71 of I Dare You
“So—” I repeat, wondering if he wants me to show him out.Lacking experience in this department, he’s going to have to give me a hint.
“So are you going to show me around?”
I’m relieved he wants to stay.
“I can, but there isn’t much to see, especially in the dark.”
“Okay, take me to your favorite place then.”
“I can do that.”I lead the way, needing to put some space between us because I suddenly feel overwhelmed—but in a good way.
We quietly walk the halls until I open the back door.The night is warm.Cicadas are chirping.Kit follows without question.It feels nice having him trust me.We don’t speak.But it’s not uncomfortable.
I lead him to a small garden surrounded by bluestone.The roses are blooming.I visit this spot often to sit and reflect.Seeing the names of adopted children etched into the stones always brings me a sense of peace.
There is good in the world.The dozens of names are proof of that.
Kit traces the adoptees’ names on the bluestones.“I see why you like it here,” he says quietly.“We really are just a tiny part of the universe.”
“Yes, but I like it,” I admit, standing beside him.“It puts things in perspective.What really matters is what we do when we’re here and not waste time.Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to be given another opportunity.If not, we simply learn from our errors and face the consequences when the time comes.”
“And what have you learned?”Kit asks, eyes still focused on the stones.
I pause to consider his question.“I’ve learned that bad things can happen to good people, but we can choose not to be victims and instead prove our resilience.We can prove that we are stronger than whatever tried to break us.”
“Have you shown that you’re stronger?”Kit reads between the lines.
He knows I speak from experience.
Maybe he does too.
“I’m trying…every single day.”
“And that’s all we can do.We try to be better.”
I nod, aware that my actions have been awful, but I’m trying to make amends.That’s the reason Jupiter is missing—she accepted me at my lowest because her own lows matched mine.
“If you had the chance to undo the worst thing you’ve ever done, would you?”It’s as though he senses the secrets I hide.
The worst thing I’ve ever done is not killing Smokes or being an accomplice to Jupiter.Nor is it planning on killing two other people and not thinking twice.
The worst thing I’ve ever done is leave Dandy without a word.If I could take that back, I would.
“In a heartbeat,” I reply, unable to keep the emotion from my voice.
The air is heavy.
I know what he’s about to ask.
“What did you do?”
When I clench my hands into fists, half-moon marks are left on my palms.The pain reminds me of my sins.Just because I’m trying to be better doesn’t absolve me of my immoralities.
I wet my lips, attempting to find the right words.I must be careful with what I share.But I don’t want to lie…more than I already have.“I left behind the person I loved most in this world.And now, I think he needs me.But it’s too late.”
“Why is it too late?”
“Because I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me.”I fight back tears, determined not to let them overflow.“I think I may be part of the reason he needs me.”
