Page 96 of Ice Cold Chemistry
“Winnie. Use your words.”
“I can’t use my words. My words have abandoned me.” I grab the pillow again. I want to press my face into it. Hide from this entire conversation. Too bad I know Tori would never let me do that. “Let’s just say I understand why he walks around with that quiet confidence now. He’s earned it.”
Tori is silent for a moment. Then realization dawns. “Are we talking size, skill, or both?”
“Both,” I mumble into the pillow. “Definitely both.”
She lets out a low whistle. “Banks Callahan. Full of surprises.”
“You have no idea.”
We sit in silence for a moment, both of us sipping our wine. The afternoon light is fading, casting long shadows across Tori’s living room. In anhour, Zayden and Maisie will be back, and this bubble of girl talk will burst.
“So what happens now?” Tori asks.
“I don’t know.” I set down my glass. “He said boundaries can go back to whatever I want. That I’m in charge.”
“That’s very mature of him.”
“It’s veryconfusingof him.” I pull my knees up to my chest, making myself small. “What if last night was just… release? Strictly physical. What if he doesn’t want more? What if I’m reading too much into everything?”
“Win.” Tori’s voice is gentle but firm. “The man looked at you like you hung the moon. At the gala. In front of everyone. That wasn’t release. That was something else.”
“What if I screw it up?”
“What if you don’t?”
I don’t have an answer for that.
“Here’s what I think,” Tori says, shifting closer. “I think you’ve spent so long protecting yourself that you’ve forgotten what it feels like to take a risk. I think Derek broke something in you, and you’ve been so focused on putting it back together that you haven’t left room for anything new.”
“That’s very insightful.”
“I’m a very insightful person.” She squeezes my knee. “Banks isn’t a risk, Win. He’s a sure thing. Anyone can see how much he cares about you. The question is whether you’re brave enough to let him.”
Brave. Am I brave?
I don’t feel brave. I feel terrified. Overwhelmed.Like I’m standing at the edge of a cliff, trying to decide whether to jump.
But underneath the terror, there’s something else. Something small and fragile and persistent.
Hope.
I haven’t felt hope in a long time. Not about relationships. Not about love. I’d convinced myself I didn’t need it—that I was better off alone, safer alone, happier alone.
But last night, in Banks’s arms, I didn’t feel alone. I felt found.
“Maybe you’re right,” I say quietly. “Maybe I just need to let it happen.”
“That’s my girl.” Tori clinks her glass against mine. “To letting it happen.”
“To probably making terrible decisions.”
“Same thing.”
We drink. The wine warms my chest, loosening the knots of anxiety that have been there since I woke up this morning.
“He’s a good guy, Win.” Tori’s voice is soft now. “Whatever happens, remember that.” She pulls me into a hug, and I let her. “It’s going to be okay. Whatever happens. I promise.”
