Page 96 of My Husband Problem

A huge loss.

One I won’t get over.

Which is probably part of the reason why, forty minutes later, after Thea confirms that my trigger points are much improved and my pelvic tightness is drastically reduced, I have actual tears running down my cheeks.

I’m sitting on the edge of the exam table, a sheet over my lap. Thea gives me an empathetic smile.

“I’m so glad you felt safe coming here. And I really am happy for you. I hope that when you think about all of this, you are proud of yourself and really excited about the next step.”

I take a shaky breath as I lean in to hug her. “I am going to work on that.”

She squeezes me, then pulls back and starts for the door. But she pauses before pulling it open.

“Astrid, I want you to think about howgoodthis all is. You’ve come a long way, and you’ve done all this hard work so you can be with Declan. Now he’s here and clearly wants you too. Was this first time exactly how you’ve pictured it? Maybe not. But things do not have to be perfect to be good and right.”

She pulls the door shut behind her, and I take a shuddering breath.

That is the biggest thing I’ve been working on. The idea that things don’t have to be perfect to be right.

As someone who grew up training and competing in a sport where every tiny misstep or wobble deducted points, and the difference between first place and last could be mere decimal points, that is a tough one for me.

I tell my followers, all of the little girls who read my books, all of the teenagers and young women who watch my live videos, exactly what Thea just said. That it’s your heart that matters, it’swhat you put out into the world that counts, that hard work isn’t always rewarded the way we think it should be, but if we know that we’re trying and doing our best, that’s what we have to keep doing no matter what other people say. That plans can and do change, and that doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

And I mean that. For them. So why can’t I fully internalize it?

Iwantto live a simple life here in Rebel with my cat and ducks, having breakfast at the diner, helping my neighbors, spending my weekends at the various wacky town festivals and events, running my hockey team as an example of how professional sports can and should be.

I’m trying to live my life the way I want to and telling myself people arenotwatching and giving me a score.

But I’m giving myself a score.

And being a wife is a huge thing. That I’m getting a big fat zero at.

I sit back in the chair and close my eyes for a moment, letting myself go back to the couch and what happened with Declan.

It really did feel like a dream. Except it was so much more intense. In that moment, I realized that it was more than usual, better, and more passionate, and I felt so, so good.

My body heats, and I feel my pussy flutter in memory.

My clit tingles and I can easily recall the feeling of his mouth against me.

My God. I had Declan’s mouth on my clit.

The first word that comes to mind isfinally.

Not mortification, and certainly not regret.

Just that single word: finally.

Yeah, this is what I have been working on. It’s why I came to Thea in the first place.

I sit and let myself recall the feeling of him against me, his hands on my body, and yes, his lips and tongue.

I am immediately hot and wet, and I definitely want it again.

Yes, I’m very worried about what comes next.

I don’t even know if I can tolerate his fingers inside me…