Page 94 of My Husband Problem

“I just…freaked out. I meanthatwas not how I planned our first time.”

“Okay, but it worked. You had an orgasm with another human.Theother human. I mean, oral is a great way to start. Was there any penetration? Fingers or anything?”

I shake my head quickly, my cheeks burning. “No. We didn’t get that far. Because I didn’t even need that to have an orgasm.”

She smiles. “Good for you.”

I laugh and cover my face. “Seriously. It was… fast and easy.”

She squeezes my knee. “Astrid, that’sgood.” Her expression turns thoughtful. “Did you think about asking him for more?”

I groan into my hands. “No. I freaked out and came here.”

“Okay. So why is that?” she asks gently. “If sex with Declan is what you want and it was working, why the freak out?”

I know she’s asking soIcan process the answer.

The work we’ve done on the back, hip, and pelvic pain definitely improved my quality of life, but we could have stopped prior to going deeper and longer if I had truly believed that I would be abstinent.

I clearly didn’t subconsciously, and when I finally admitted to her andmyselfthat I would like to have sex, and specifically have sex with my husband, therapy had shifted and gotten more intense. But it’s been a huge feeling of accomplishment to have made the improvements that I have.

I drop my hands. “I haven’t told him anything about any of this yet.”

“Okay. Why not? We’re going to need him to get involved.”

I swallow hard as conflicting emotions hit me. On one hand, being that vulnerable with Declan is terrifying. On the other, it would mean getting naked with him and having him do that stuff with his mouth again. And with other things. And I’m betting he’s really good at it.

And I want that.

I nod. “Yeah, I know. It’s just…he just got here. And I’ve been kind of trying to get him to leave.”

She smiles. “Well, maybe you need to rethink that.”

I love Thea. She’s so non-judgmental, encouraging, and supportive.

“So, how can I help you right now?” she asks.

I sit forward. “Things have been going well with my home therapy. I am up to the biggest dilator. I can have an orgasm every time. The trigger points are all almost gone, and I can work them out in just a few minutes if they’re there.”

She looks incredibly pleased. “I’m so happy to hear that.”

I take a second and think about that. That is something else we worked on. Focusing on the good things and the progress rather than being frustrated with the things I haven’t accomplished yet.

“I feel like now that this happened between us, I’m kind of leading him on,” I admit, voicing one of my biggest fears. “That I will be able to do some of it—kissing, even orgasms without penetration—but then not be able to do the rest of it.”

She nods. “I get that.”

See, that’s nice. She just validates my fear. She doesn’t try to tell me that it doesn’t make sense.

But I kind of want her to say that’s ridiculous and of course it will work.

“Did you have pain after the orgasm? Any tightening up and spasms?”

I think about it, then shake my head. “No. I’m fine.”

“Even all upset and worked up?”

“Nope.”