Page 91 of Bargaining

Her words fixed me to the spot. The elevator doors opened, and relief flooded me to be away from all these iterations of myself in the silver glass.

Charlotte raked a hand over her face and stepped into the corridor. She moved close, but didn’t touch me. “This has been one of the most incredible days of my life. The most incredible fortnight. I can’t do this tonight. Not on our last night.”

All those years ago, I’d broken her heart. I hadn’t meant to. It had broken mine too, but what did it matter now? Easier not to have a heart at all.

She stepped closer and tilted her chin up to me. “I’m exhausted. Let’s get some sleep and talk tomorrow.”

She swiped the keycard against the door to the suite. It had been so intense between us earlier. The first time I’d ever felt like she let me make love to her and not just fuck her senseless, and now I could feel her slipping away from me. I should have kissed her for longer, made her sigh with pleasure more, begged her to dig her nails into my back harder.

I stopped her with a hand on her arm. “Do you still want to go to the Trevi Fountain with me tomorrow?”

She drew her arms tight across her chest and nodded. When she spoke, her voice was quiet and sad, which was much worse than anger. She shrugged. “Let’s see how we feel in the morning. Goodnight, Cole.”

Chapter 41

Cole

Charlotte sat cross-legged on a patch of grass outside, her head bowed to a book in her lap. I watched her from the window in Roy’s office. Lavender dungarees wrapped around her shapely body, and her dark hair fell in two loose ponytails. She was studying a patch of daffodils. A frown furrowed her brow and she tapped her lips with her pencil. My heart was full of everything. Hope that one day she’d want me the way I wanted her. Fear that she never would. An ache that I’d never be worthy of her.

“This looks bad, son.” Roy moved closer, studying my swollen eye in the dim light of his study.

Usually, my father didn’t leave a mark. He’d been so frustrated with me, he’d got sloppy. He was more skilled with words as weapons than fists. I dragged my gaze from the window.

“It’s nothing.”

The sentence left my mouth fluidly. No tricky sounds. It was f and s that gave me the most problems. Sometimes q. If I could avoid words that began with those letters then the stammer was undetectable these days.

Roy watched me and cleared his throat. “Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when the storm comes.” He gestured to the open book on the desk in front of me. “The Count of Monte Cristo. It’s one of my favorites.” His eyes roved over me again. “If you give me a name, I can help you.”

No. He couldn’t, but I loved him for wanting to. No one could. I could only help myself. And I would. My father would pay for the misery he’d inflicted on all of us. It wouldn’t always be like this. Some of us were playing the long game. I’d have power, too. One day. “I walked into a door. No need to worry.” I sat at the desk and grabbed my Latin textbook. “Shall we carry on?”

The sheets were cold next to me when I woke up. I grabbed my phone to check the time. It was already 9 a.m. I took a quick shower, threw on a robe and found Charlotte sipping coffee on the balcony. She wore a white sundress with a sunflower print. Tinted-pink sunglasses perched on her chestnut hair, which was still damp from the shower.Beautiful.

“Good morning.”

Her eyes slipped to me and drifted away. “Morning.”

I sat tentatively next to her. The sounds of the awakening city filtered on a welcome breeze. Tension crackled between us, and I had a feeling like I’d sat an exam I hadn’t studied for and got all the answers wrong. It was always so natural when we were pretending to be other people. I had to fix this. Her words from last night resounded in my head.You brought me here because it was convenient to shaft your father. I was an afterthought.No. Charlotte had never been an afterthought for me. She was every thought. She was also right about everything she’d said last night. I’d lost this hotel anyway.

Somewhere along the line I’d lost perspective. It wasn’t doing either of us any good, chasing this so relentlessly. It had to end. Ihad to change things. I couldn’t lose Charlotte. I’d choose her over anything every time. I couldn’t allow her to think she was an afterthought. But what did it matter if she wouldn’t forgive me? What if I couldn’t change? What if I could never be the kind of man that deserved her?

She avoided my gaze. “Are you working today?”

“No.”

I want to spend the day in bed with you. Let me make love to you. Let me make you happy.For reasons beyond me, I couldn’t speak the words out loud. She’d say no. I should have kept to the contract, except after this time together, the contract felt ridiculous. This was real for me. The contract was easy and safe, but I didn’t want that anymore. What did I have to do to make her mine for real?

“I’ll get ready. I just need to do my makeup.”

She got up, and I grabbed her hand, holding her still. “You don’t need to do anything. You look beautiful like this.”

She gave me a faint smile. “I appreciate it, but I definitely need makeup.”

No. She didn’t need to do a thing. The goodness inside of her shone through her eyes and her smile. It was natural and radiant. Effortless. “No. I mean it. You’re beautiful, Charlotte. Exactly as you are.”

Our eyes locked and lingered for too long. The most natural thing in the world would be to pull her down onto my lap and kiss her, but it was also the hardest thing after last night. Did she even want that from me? She was set onenduring meandprotecting herselffrom me. Who could blame her? I had to do better. Whatever it took. I’d make it up to her today. There had to be a way. With a slight frown, she released my hand and disappeared to the bathroom.

My phone buzzed in the pocket of my robe as I returned to the suite. Theo’s grumpy image flashed on the screen. This photoalways gave me a wave of amusement. Even in a candid moment at a wedding, his facial expression was “I’m over all of this shit.”