Page 50 of King of Ashes
I wait with bated breath. The table between us might as well be an uncrossable rift, separating us into two continents.
The vein in his neck throbs, threatening to burst from the pressure. “This is not fair, Zara.”
He’s always using my name to reason with me, but I have none left, and it’s because of him.
“Answer me, Vian,” I demand, afraid if he doesn’t relieve me, I will hyperventilate.
He cocks his head, sweeping his gaze from my head to my toes and back. “I don’t have a choice. It’s always been you.”
12
VIAN
Idoubt I have ever uttered more sincere words, tiptoeing on the edge of peril. Fuck, but it’s the truth. There is no other choice for me—only ever her. I can’t keep my mouth sealed; my heart roars to be heard, my love to be reciprocated.
Her face contorts into a contrite expression. I confuse her, but I also know her soul recognizes me, even needs me. Gaining her trust is one thing. Keeping it is another. If even one memory fully returns, the house of cards I’ve built will collapse on my head and bury me beneath it.
It takes everything in me not to kiss her senseless, take her right here and now, and confess everything, but I can’t risk her well-being. The cruel implications would shatter her.
I witnessed what even fragments of her memories returning could cause. I didn’t lie about her brain trying to protect her; I fucking made sure of that. Every day, she got worse, refusing to eat and trying to harm herself. I have never felt more helpless or useless than when I could not soothe her.
She had to be hospitalized in a psychiatric ward, and seeing her like that killed me. Then she went catatonic, her brain shutting off completely, and I had to do something,consequences be damned. So I made sure she forgot everything, making it appear as if the accident caused her brain injury and wiped her memories—four years of her life.
That’s why I had to stay away, lurking in the shadows so the woman I love could live.
I’ve helped her from the beginning, wishing her success and a life, even if I wasn’t in it. That’s another issue, one she wouldn’t forgive me for either. She would see it as control, even though Conrad is loyal to her.
I drew the line at her being with another man. I am an asshole like that, and I won’t apologize for it. The thought alone would have either killed me or sent me on a killing spree, ending whoever dared to touch my woman, which wouldn’t have helped stabilize our precarious situation.
“You’re a strange man,” she says, her eyes delving into me as if wanting to reach my depths and uncover me.
“Possibly. I just know what I want.”
Incapable of not touching her, I cut the distance between us, dinner long forgotten. I snake my arm around her back, drawing her flush to my chest.
She looks up at me, her brows furrowing. “And you want me?”
Pressing my forehead to hers, I breathe in her sweet scent, grounding me in the present and away from our tragic past. “Only ever you. Death will be the only thing to separate me from you.”
“Quite dramatic.”
“Facts, mi sol.”
We remain perfectly silent, and she palms my chest, her mouth parting in a delicate O. “Kiss me.”
She doesn’t have to ask me twice.
Curling my hand in her hair, I tug her head back. I kiss her, pouring in every bit of my undying love and mad obsession. AndI kiss her some more, so she never doubts who she belongs to. I kiss her as if my life starts and ends with her, as if her mouth were my daily prayer and my sins could be forgiven. I kiss her like I would die if I stopped—nibbling, licking, tasting. So I don’t, coming up for only a shallow breath before drowning back in the paradise of her. She’s my coveted haven, and I refuse to leave it to sail at the mercy of a treacherous sea.
When the kiss ends, she looks dazed, touching her swollen lips.
She tilts her head, her voice a mere murmur. “Are you trying to seduce me?”
“It’s working, isn’t it?”
She smiles, displaying a portrait of unmatched beauty. I don’t need art. I could watch her eternally without ever tiring.
“Hmm, let me think.”
