Page 149 of King of Ashes
She leans into my touch, and I caress her soft cheeks. “So what? Did my fucked-up brain twist it?”
“I’m the fucked up one.”
This conversation shifts into something soul-cleansing, the embers of hope flickering back to life and warming my chest.
Looking down, she plays with the hem of my shirt. “The pregnancy makes me vulnerable.”
Tears gather in my eyes, potent emotions threatening to knock me down.
She lifts her chin, and our eyes lock, mirroring each other’s raw feelings. “I have all these fears, all these insecurities… I’m an even bigger mess. But I want this baby. I truly do, just like I wish we could make it work.”
“Then we’re going to make it work.” I brush my mouth against hers. “You said it, baby. Thank you for telling me.”
She bites her lip, shrugging. “You knew.”
I grin and gather her into my arms. “I didn’t know you wanted me to fuck you this badly,” I say, trying for some levity.
She slaps my chest. “Be serious.”
“I am.” I frown, glancing at her belly. “But––”
“Making love won’t hurt it,” she breathes.
“Please, just say the three words. I don’t care if you believe them or not.”
“I am yours,” she confesses, breaking the dam of my control.
I’d give her the world if she wanted it.
Yet the thing she desires most is not to love me anymore.
34
ZARA
After fucking my throat raw, he made love to me, holding me through the night until I fell asleep in the cocoon of his arms. My mind was blank, my body sated, my heart at ease, as I drifted into oblivion.
He has this unwavering ability to undo me until I bare myself to him of my own accord.
My love will always overpower my hatred for him. It’s the ultimate fact, the undeniable truth. I am exhausted from lying to myself, but forgiving his betrayal would mean erasing everything he did. I am at an impasse with no idea how to resolve it.
Opening my eyes, I notice the sun high in the sky, meaning I slept through the morning. I scoot up against the headboard, a sigh heaving through my chest. I want to stay, but I need to leave. There’s no middle ground.
His side of the bed is empty, but he’s somewhere near. He will never let me go. Even if he opens that door, I will remain bound to him—not because of the pregnancy, but because he fastens invisible shackles of possession around my being. Every step reminds me that I am undeniably his, and even if heunlocked them, I would carry their ghosts with me like a hollow pain I couldn’t escape.
He leans against the doorframe, eyeing me with such intensity that it tugs at my heartstrings. I shrug, still vulnerable from last night.
The corners of his mouth curl up into a small broken smile, his features a painting of dejection. “8191.”
My heart rate picks up with the implication. That’s the code. He gave me the code. I should jump out of this bed and rush straight to the panel, fleeing as fast as possible.
“I love you, Zara. More than anything in this world, baby.”
Tears stream down my cheeks, and I don’t brush them away so he can see I feel the same, but I am so torn.
He loves me deeply, madly, irrevocably. I feel his love in every chamber of my heart, overflowing my chest. I am filled to the brim with his love, and my breath turns labored.
“It’s still three more days,” I murmur. My heart doesn’t want to leave him. I am not ready to say goodbye, and I doubt I ever will be.
