Page 122 of King of Ashes
Just then, my phone rings, Noemi’s name flashing on the screen. “He’s dying.” The hurt in her voice triggers my guilt, and I throw up some more.
“Zara?”
I don’t think I am alive either. My soul is busy finding his.
I don’t want to lie to my best friend.
She should hate me for what I did. He is her family, and she just buried her father.
What have I done?
“I’m sorry. So sorry. I didn’t… I don’t…”
“What happened?” she asks softly, but anger underlines the question, aware it was me.
I lost my best friend as well.
I was an emotional mess, and he caught me off guard. Startled, I flinched and pulled the trigger.
Ugly sobs wrench from my chest, and I cry so hard I don’t even care if I flood this damn jet and cause a short circuit.
There is no Zara without Vian.
And no Vian without Zara.
Our mad love is like this.
But betrayal runs deep.
Mistakes have piled up.
We can never return to our beginning.
We can never repair what we shattered.
It’s okay, Vian. I set your soul free.
I am used to being a wandering ghost.
“Show me,” I whisper, and she sends me a picture.
Seeing my mountain of a man, with the beauty of a god, the mind of the devil, and the heart of a human, suspended between life and death feels like an oxymoron.
His face is colorless, leaving only a ghostly shadow behind the ventilator, the only thing keeping him alive.
“As his wife, you must make the decision whether or not to unplug him. He wouldn’t want to live like this.”
“I can’t, Noemi. I really can’t,” I choke up, hanging up.
I don’t care how much it costs, my sanity included. I’ll keep him like that––alive.
I remain in the bathroom long after we land. Various members of my staff have checked on me.
“If someone asks me if I’m all right one more time, I will come out just to shoot the next person,” I snap at the flight attendant, the pilot, and my security guards knocking on my door.
It’s my fucking jet, and if I want to stay here, I will—in purgatory, lingering between life and death, past and present.
I can’t go back. Not yet. In my frail state, I will blow my brains out and unplug him at the same time.
