Page 190 of Sword & Shadow
But what if he did mean it? What if he truly loved her? She would be forced to break the hearts of both brothers. She couldn’t stay with Deckard, and she wouldn’t be with Thom.
Tightening her jaw, Evylin decided to allow her anger to ignite once again. How dare he do this to her? To Deckard? Thom was putting her in an impossible situation and hurting his brother in the process. If Deckard found out about his betrayal, she knew how deep that wound would cut. And she had no doubt it would fester.
Well, she wouldn’t be the cause of Deckard and Thom’s broken relationship. She wouldn’t be the thing that finally drove the two apart. Thom didn’t get to make her the villain in this story. He would just have to take responsibility for the disaster himself.
Determined, Evylin rose from her seat. She didn’t bother speaking to Ilain or Ethenn, even as they watched her walk across the camp and straight up to the tent where Thom lay.
Evylin kicked the bottom of Thom’s boot. He lifted his arm, a look of surprise and worry immediately twisting his expression. “We need to talk,” she said quietly.
Thom glanced at the fire where the others sat. Slowly, he rose. He dusted off his pants, not meeting her eyes. “Should we—?”
“Yes,” Evylin said shortly, then led the way to the forest edge. She didn’t care to walk far from camp; it wouldn’t be that long of a conversation. But she stepped behind the trees to keep their argument unseen by the others.
Without giving Thom time to prepare, Evylin began. “This is the final time we will ever discuss this,” she told him in hushed, clipped tones. “Do you understand?”
Keeping his chin tucked, Thom nodded. He looked like a little boy, scared and broken by his mistakes.
“Good.” Evylin steeled herself with a deep, angered breath. “Everything you said earlier, we’re going to forget it.”
Thom flinched. “Evie—”
“No, Thom,” she cut him off sharply. “I don’t care what you think you feel. You are going to forget it all, and I’m going to forget you ever said a word about it. Because when we walk back into that camp, it will be as if it never happened. Got it? You are my friend, and you will feel nothing more for me.”
“I understand,” he muttered bitterly.
“When this conversation is over, the subject will never be broached again. Not between us...or anyone else.”
Thom met her eyes then, a strange hopefulness within his gaze.
“I won’t tell Jonn,” she promised. “Not when I know how this would hurt him. He loves you. He always has. But this... I don’t know if evenhecan forgive you for this.”
Thom swallowed.
“So I won’t tell him,” Evylin whispered, her voice weakening as her anger returned to regret. “Because I won’t be the reason he loses you.”
Thom wrung his hands, his breathing sharp and labored. “Evie, I—I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but...it won’t matter. My relationship with Jonn has been broken for years.”
“It doesn’t have to stay that way,” she insisted. “He wants to fix it. He wants to be your friend. You’re the one refusing to cooperate.”
“It isn’t that simple.”
“Yes, it is.” Evylin glared up at him. “I’ve listened to both of you. I’ve heard both sides of the story, and I’ve watched as time and time again, he tries to love you, and you reject him. This isn’t Jonn’s fault. It’s yours. And once you accept that, then perhaps you’ll be able to see past your arrogance and accept his love.”
Thom’s lips parted in shock as though she’d slapped him.
Evylin’s manner remained cold, too hurt by his earlier actions to care. “I’m done coddling you. I will protect Jonn by keeping the truth from him, but I will not protect you from anything anymore.”
“I understand,” he repeated, his voice flat and his hurt evident. But then he met her gaze. “Are you still going to leave him?”
Evylin’s body tensed. She stepped back involuntarily. “Yes,” she murmured.
Thom hesitated, his sharp gray-blue eyes studying her. His jaw was tight, his lips pressing into a thin line. Then he sighed. “Look, I understand that I’m a terrible brother. I’ve betrayed Jonn; there’s no way around that. So it may sound a bit disingenuous when I say this, but... You are the most nonsensical person I’ve ever met.”
Evylin could only blink in confusion.
He took a step closer, his brow furrowed in a way that reminded her too much of Deckard. “No one—” he began, his voice rough as he spoke, “No one can talk about someone the way you talked about Jonn this afternoon and not love that person. Everything you said about him...I wish someone would say those things about me.”
Rooted to the ground beneath her feet, Evylin wanted to deny his words. Whatever admiration she held for Deckard, it was simply respect, not love. She wanted to convince Thom of that, just as she tried to convince herself.
