Page 169 of Sword & Shadow
“Because I’m his brother.”
“Should Auden have stayed with me then?”
Thom picked at the hem of his coat. Though it was new at the start of their journey through Wauld, the fabric now had rips and a fraying edge. They were moving closer and closer to VauraReach, the ultimate destination of the Time Keep, only days away. The path through the mountains was surprisingly well-worn, a result of the mining, Ilain told them.
With their troop’s reunion looming closer, Thom had begun to think about his brother more and more. Despite his initial bitterness at Deckard choosing Rafferty to accompany their group, he took equal blame for the choice. If he wanted to protect him, he could have—shouldhave volunteered immediately.
Thom tugged a thread loose and threw it into the fire. “I mean because Jonn is a Night Mage,” he said, letting the words linger weightily.
“What does that have to do with anything?”
He gave the highlady a bland stare.
“What?” she asked, returning the look dramatically.
“You said Night magic makes people go mad.”
“I said Night magiccanbring the Deep upon its users. It’s Auden who believes the whole lot is destined for villainy and insanity.”
Her clarification did little to alleviate his concern. “You don’t understand. Deckard won’t be able to handle it. He’s never done well with death. It’s part of what makes him a pitiful soldier.”
“He’s a perfectly good soldier.”
“No, he isn’t,” Thom argued. “He hates the job. He only does it because he thinks it makes him noble. But traveling like this? Recruiting? Fighting?Killing?No, he’s not a soldier. He’s an idealist. And now, he’s got this Night magic running wild through him, controlling him, and making him kill everything in sight.”
Ilain’s prolonged silence drew him to look toward her. The transparent derision of her expression struck him. “You’re an absolute idiot,” she said bluntly.
Thom gaped at her.
“Have you heard nothing I said?” Ilain reached over to shove his head as Meria might’ve done when they were children. “Try to get it through your thick skull: Magic isn’t evil. Not even Night magic. Yes, sometimes it’s violent, and if used improperly, it can bring on madness. But it isn’t controlling your brother. He’s actually doing a surprisingly good job of controllingit. I theorize it has to do with his and Evylin’s relationship.”
Thom wasn’t sure if anyone had told Ilain about Evylin’s confession concerning her and Deckard’s marriage yet. As he didn’t feel compelled to take it upon himself, he ignored it. “You didn’t see it,” he said, remembering the ambush from the Wind and Terrae Mages. “You passed out before Deckard... He killed over forty Mages like it was nothing. That’snotDeckard. That’s the magic taking control of him.”
“Do we look dead to you?” Ilain said bluntly.
Thom shook his head, confused. “What?”
She grabbed his wrist, waving his hand in the air between them. “You seem alive enough to me,” she quipped. “And as I’m pretty sure I’m still breathing, it seems we made it through just fine.”
“I don’t—”
“If Jonn lost control of the magic, we would be dead along with those Mages,” she concluded.
Thom blinked.
She released him, letting his hand thump back to the terrae. “The magic consumes him in the moment, yes. It makes him appear to be someone he’s not, affecting his emotions and actions like a Relic might. But he is controlling it. He tells it what to do, and it listens. Then he lets it go. A man controlled by Night magic would kill everyone in his path, friend or foe.”
With a sigh, Thom struggled to take comfort in her explanation. “But Jonn hates killing. Any death caused by hishands will drive him to madness, even if that insanity isn’t magically induced.”
Ilain hesitated.
“I should have gone with him,” Thom said.
“What good would that have done?” she asked.
Thom looked at her, incredulous. “I’m his brother. I could have helped protect him from himself.”
Ilain shook her head. “Jonn doesn’t need protection from magic. He needs to accept it. It’s the only way hewon’tgive in to the Deep.”
