Page 120 of Sword & Shadow
And thus, Thom didn’t know how to make it clear that his flirtations with Ilain were strictly entertainment. Yes, the Mage was beautiful and clever, but despite coming to discover that he rather liked the woman, Thom was more certain now than ever that he could never want her in that way. She was attractive, but he wasn’t attracted to her. But how did a man explain that to the woman hewasattracted to—the woman hedidwant?
Guilt spiked through Thom. He shouldn’t think that way. It was only himself that he was hurting by harboring these secret feelings.
Deckard was right—Evylin wasn’t Thom’s wife. And she never could be. These thoughts, these desires—they could only ever hurt him. The best he could hope for with Evylin was friendship. Unless...
Thom grimaced as his darkest thoughts surfaced: He could only hope for friendship with EvylinunlessDeckard died, leaving her a widow free to pursue true love elsewhere.
Fear and remorse writhed in Thom’s stomach. He hated those thoughts. They always made him feel like the basest, most deplorable sort of man. How could he even consider it? He didn’twish his brother dead. Whatever bitterness he held toward Deckard, he loved him. The idea of losing him....
Gritting his teeth, Thom followed Evylin into the thin stand of trees near the beachside. They patrolled the area, looking for any signs of a camp or hiding places. Distractedly, he studied her nearly as much as the world around them. She moved rigidly, though still with her innate athleticism and grace. But he could see in the tightness of her shoulders that something was bothering her.
He had little question as to its cause.
“Evie,” Thom said, keeping his voice low, “can I talk to you about something?”
She glanced over her shoulder at him. “We are attempting to move with stealth, Thom,” she said in a snarky tone, though that hint of anxiety remained.
Gently, he grabbed her arm. “Then we’ll stop for a moment.”
Evylin narrowed her gaze, but she halted with him. “Must be rather important.”
“It is.”
When she motioned for him to continue, Thom sighed. “I’m worried,” he admitted. “Ethenn told Raff and me everything. About Dunneshead, I mean.”
Evylin shifted from one foot to the other. “Everything?” she repeated nervously.
Thom nodded. “He said—” He swallowed down his discomfort. “He said that Jonn killed a dozen men, showing no remorse until after it was all over. He said that you three even burned the tavern down to cover the evidence.”
As he paused to consider the crimes, Evylin chewed on her bottom lip, waiting for him to go on.
He shook his head, unable to reconcile any of the behavior with his brother’s character. “That doesn’t sound like Jonn,” he concluded.
With a curious expression, Evylin regarded him as though expecting him to say more. Once she realized he had nothing more to add, to his surprise, she visibly relaxed. “Oh. No,” she said. “No, it doesn’t. And I don’t think it was.”
Thom furrowed his brow. “But—”
“I mean, yes, he was doing those things,” she corrected. “But it wasn’thim.It was the magic—Night—affecting him.”
“Doesn’t that worry you?” he asked.
Evylin drew in a long breath, then said, “Yes.”
“It worries me too,” Thom admitted, a tremor going through his chest. “And what Auden said about the madness—the Deep...I’m not ashamed to say it, Evie. I’m frightened.”
Evylin’s eyes widened as she listened.
“What if Jonn goes mad?” Thom scrubbed a hand over his face and ran it into his hair. “That’s what’s bothering you, too, isn’t it? The two of us know Jonn better than anyone else in our camp. While his behavior concerns them, we know: This isn’t him.”
Evylin turned away to pace.
Thom asked the question that plagued him most of all. “What if the Deep is already taking root?”
“It’s not,” she insisted. Her immediate defense spoke to her mutual fear.
“Are you sure?” He followed her, cutting off her pacing to meet her gaze. “If what Ethenn said is true, then this magic has already begun to make him ruthless and violent. Those are two words I would never have used to describe my brother.”
“No, you describe him as selfish,” she returned sharply.
