Page 71 of Sword & Shadow
“I’d do anything for her. How is that offensive?”
“Because she’d feel indebted to you.”
“I want nothing in return.”
“You want her. You just admitted that.”
Deckard sighed. “Fine. I want her. But only if she’ll have me.”
“A compensation she’d feel obligated to provide,” Hewitt said.
“So what are you saying?” Deckard asked with exasperation. “Because I care for her, she’ll feel compelled to return the favor?”
Hewitt raised a hand to point toward the camp. “I’m saying she can’t trust you because she knows you love her. And those feelings of yours will influence her decisions if she allows herself to love you back. You are dangerous to her. You can control her. Therefore, she cannot trust you, and she cannot love you.”
Deckard stared back at him, open-mouthed and in a daze. What a convoluted fear the ghost described. Was that truly how Evylin felt? Was she afraid of losing herself to him? Did she think he’d require her to sacrifice her dreams for him? He would never ask that of her.
But perhaps she’d feel obliged to as repayment for a debt she incorrectly presumed herself to owe.
“Then I’ll make it clear to her,” he said. “She’s never obligated to me in any way. If she wanted to live here in Wauld, I’d do it. If she asked me to tear down every tree in this forest, I’d do it. If she told me to leave her side and never come back, I’d do it.”
Hewitt’s expression showed marked contempt. “Your goodness is oppressive,” he said.
Deckard had never felt so insulted.
“Do you think that’s what she wants?” Hewitt demanded. “To have some vassal to cater to her every whim? That’s not a husband. It’s a servant.”
An old refrain came to Deckard’s mind.“A servant, through and through.”One of his lieutenants had said that the first night he’d met Evylin. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard the sentiment. Many of his fellow officers had said the same thing, particularly in their recommendations on his behalf. But for the first time in his life, Deckard wondered whether or not it was a compliment.
Thirty-two years of training told him that Hewitt was wrong. He wasn’t simply bowing to Evylin’s fancies; he was caring for her. Love required sacrifice, always. His dedication to her happiness wasn’t a weakness, nor was it oppressive. It was selfless devotion.
Shaking his head, Deckard chose to deny the ghost’s conclusion. Hewitt had proven he was incapable of being impartial when it came to his niece. He’d admitted to the malignant condition of their relationship itself. They reinforced one another’s grief. Together, they’d ensured that they’d never have to let go of the past. Whatever Hewitt thought he knew about Evylin, it was tainted with his memories of Ryen.
That didn’t negate his usefulness, though.
“If that’s the case,” Deckard allowed, “how do I get her to trust me?”
Hewitt surveyed him thoughtfully before replying. “First, don’t pledge your undying love and loyalty to her. She’ll feel pressured. Then...be there. Plain and simple. Evylin needs to know that you aren’t after something. Don’t promise her the world, and don’t offer yourself as a living sacrifice. Stand by her side, and when she asks for your help, only then are you to come to her aid.
“Until that moment,” the man concluded, “live as though you’d never met her. She needs to feel independent of you to know that her feelings for you aren’t brought on by a need to return some favor.”
The instruction gave Deckard pause. “I can’t stand by and watch her drown in the despair of her loss.”
“That’s not what I’m suggesting,” Hewitt said. “When you see her drowning, you pull her to safety. Then you leave her there. Don’t coddle her, and don’t hover. Trust her to take care of herself.”
“In other words,” Deckard raised his brow, “be like you.”
Hewitt considered it, then smirked. “Precisely.”
“Should I begin insulting people while I’m at it?”
“It couldn’t hurt.”
Deckard let himself chuckle. The rain eased, the storm calming as though lifting with his mood. “I’d hate for her to come to think of me as her uncle,” he remarked.
“Well, she would trust you more quickly, but it wouldn’t do much for your odds of seduction, I’ll tell you that.”
“I should hope not.” Deckard scanned the ghost before him, letting the truth hit him fully for the first time. “I never thought I’d see you again,” he said.
