Page 185 of Sword & Shadow
“We all know,” he said gruffly.
Thom turned around, staring at the kid. “What are you talking about?”
Ethenn glared at him. “You told Raff and me months ago,” he said accusingly. “And the colonel knows too.”
Panic swept through Thom’s veins like poison. “He what?”
“You aren’t subtle, Thom.” Ethenn’s dark brow hung low over his eyes. “I chalk the Calders’ ignorance up to them not knowing you well enough.”
Thom tried to come up with some sharp retort, but his throat burned with too much fear to speak. He knew exactly what Ethenn was referring to. Since the morning after it happened, he’d regretted his drunken admission back in Nettershire. Rafferty always did know how to weasel information out of others. Thom was too susceptible to his antics.
But Deckard knew too? Why hadn’t he said anything?
In Thom’s extended silence, Ethenn took a step forward. “You need to stop playing with Ilain’s feelings,” he charged angrily.
That caused Thom to bristle. “Stop being a jealous prick, Ethenn.”
Though Thom turned to walk away from the conversation, Ethenn wouldn’t let it go. “Evylin doesn’t want you,” he called.
Thom froze. The words stung, their truth biting like winter frost. Slowly, he turned around to face the hunter. He gave him a cutting grin. “And Ilain doesn’t want you.”
Ethenn shifted. “I know.”
Thom took a challenging step toward him. “But,” he continued, “shedoeswant me. So why shouldn’t I give her what she wants? Why shouldn’t I have some fun of my own?”
A deep rage flickered through Ethenn’s gaze, but he remained steady. “You’ll hurt her.”
A callous smirk lifted Thom’s lips. “I don’t care.”
Even now, Thom didn’t know why he’d said it. Despite all his efforts, he’d let Ethenn goad him back into his old, bitter ways.He was just so irritated. The kid was threatening him, spoken outright or not. While he’d spent the last two weeks intentionally holding his tongue and attempting to move on, Ethenn only saw his past offenses.
Let him be wrong. Thom was a better man now. He didn’t have to explain himself to the brat.
Those cynical thoughts, along with his embittered actions, had berated Thom through the night. He wasn’t a better man. He was the same resentful, impulsive fool he’d always been. It was as though he’d learned nothing, as though Ilain’s lessons and admonishments hadn’t taught him anything at all.
Why couldn’t he be more like Deckard? Why did everything feel like an affront? Why couldn’t he be happy on his own?
Now, in the light of a new day, the thoughts lingered.
Thom sighed silently. He had to do better. If he wanted to be worthy, he had tobebetter. So tonight, when they made camp, he would pull Ethenn aside and apologize. He’d admit his faults to the kid and tell him the truth: His relationship with Ilain was a ruse, and he was working to free himself of his feelings for Evylin.
As though a test of his will, Evylin drew her horse alongside Thom’s. She smiled playfully, the afternoon sun peeking around the clouds to catch like gold in the wisps of her hair. “I’ll bet you two coppers,” she said, voice low, “that I can guess what you’re thinking.”
Thom pressed his lips together. There wasn’t a chance she could guess his self-deprecating thoughts. “I’ll take that bet.”
Evylin tugged back on her reins, drawing her horse to drop back from Ilain and Ethenn ahead. The pair noticed, but Evylin gave Ilain a nod. The woman rolled her eyes but turned to start up a conversation with Ethenn.
Warily, Thom followed Evylin’s lead, letting their horses put space between them and their friends. “What are you up to, Evie?” he asked.
“Who says I’m up to anything?”
He gave her a flat stare.
“I’ll tell you if you’ll play my game with me,” she said.
Thom shook his head, amused. “Fine. Guess what I’m thinking then.”
Evylin stared ahead with a proud lift to her chin. “You’re thinking about Ilain.”
