Page 184 of Sword & Shadow
Her cheeks flushed an even deeper shade. “I think so.”
“Then tell him.”
Ilain took a long, cautious breath. “I will,” she whispered. “But I think I have to work up to it first.”
Evylin reached over and took her hand. “And I think,” she held her gaze with a serious one, “you need to stop flirting with Thom.”
“Mm.” Ilain pressed her lips together and gave a single nod. “You’re probably right.”
They shared a final smile and conspiratorial laugh before returning to their task. Evylin’s gaze swept the forest. She took the benefit of Ilain’s presence, borrowing her connection to magic to heighten her senses. A gentle breeze swept through the trees. Nocturnal animals rustled in the brush. She listened to Thom and Ethenn’s steady breathing. The world was still and calm.
A disappointment settled in Evylin as she considered the men again. Poor Thom. She hated to see his heart broken. Althoughafter hearing Ilain’s true feelings for Ethenn, Evylin knew Thom and Ilain could never be happy together. Beyond their magical inequality and temperamental difficulties, Thom deserved a woman who loved him more than anyone else. Still, Evylin didn’t want to see him hurt.
In the silence, Evylin’s fingers found her rings again. She looked up through the trees at the moons, her thoughts drifting to the Deckard brother whose heartshe’dbroken. Was Deckard on watch too? Was there a chance he was looking up at the sky, thinking of her? Did he ache at the loss of her as much as she ached for him?
“Ilain,” she whispered, yearning to share her fear.
“Yes?”
“I think I made a mistake.”
Ilain turned to her, listening.
“I think I’ve lost him.”
“Oh, Evylin.” Ilain tugged her closer once more. “You could never lose him.”
The whole of Evylin’s being tried to believe Ilain. She grasped at the words, hoping they would be true. With everything inside of her, she wanted to trust in it. But she didn’t.
Because Evylin knew loss was inevitable. Whether she lost Deckard due to her rejection two weeks ago or to his death—be it in the Time Keep, in a decade, or in a century—she would lose him, just as she’d lost Ryen and Hewitt. She’d never recovered from their deaths. She doubted she ever would.
And when she lost Deckard, she worried that she’d cease to exist entirely. Because he wasn’t just her husband. He was her balance, the other half of her soul.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
30TH OF CHRONOS, 1574
The border crossing went without a hitch. Thom gave Ilain the Night Relic, and she slipped it over her head. “Stay close,” she instructed Thom and Ethenn. Evylin rode on the back of Ilain’s horse to give her added focus as Ethenn led the empty mare behind his. All their figures were aptly hazy around the edges in a shroud. Thom had grown rather numb to the use of magic around him. Something he wasn’t entirely comfortable with but had to admit he appreciated the benefits of.
Once they were safely within Vaura Reach, Evylin returned to her horse, and they sprinted away from the border wall. Ilain dropped the shroud a mile into the Mages’ land. She returned the Night Relic to Thom, her usual spark dimmed by the magical exertion. He stashed it with the Fire Relic in the inside pocket of his coat. He didn’t care for the responsibility of being a glorified jewelry box. It irked him to have a constant reminder of his non-magical, inferior state. However, he understood the importance of the task and took it seriously.
Their short journey to the border that morning took just over three hours, leaving them with another twenty miles to go until their next stop. They broke for a short meal and to give the horses a rest once they’d progressed farther into the Reach. Themood was a strange blend of jovial and subdued. Evylin and Ilain shared a newfound closeness, sticking near to each other’s side. However, Evylin seemed to glance at the road ahead at every opportunity, as though anticipating their final destination. Thom wondered if she was looking forward to the Keep or dreading the troop’s reunion.
Ethenn had returned to a somewhat companionable temper as well, though he still wouldn’t talk directly to Thom. The reminder of their argument rankled in Thom’s mind. It nipped at his conscience, agitating his frayed nerves.
Evylin wasn’t the only one anxious about their return. For the past two weeks, Thom had questioned everything about his choices. Despite Ilain’s protests, he still felt he should have accompanied Deckard and Auden, supporting his brother. He feared what he would find when they arrived at the Time Keep. After Evylin’s rejection and so much death at his hands, would Deckard have succumbed to the magic?
And what about Deckard and Evylin’s broken relationship? Thom felt he was beginning to mature. He knew his feelings were foolish, and he couldn’t bear to hurt Deckard by taking his wife, even if Thom loved her too. In the last two weeks, he’d worked hard to become a better man. He’d listened to Ilain, heeding her advice and attempting to move on.
Perhaps that was what had angered him so much when Ethenn confronted him yesterday.
“Are you leading Ilain on intentionally?” the boy had asked.
At first, Thom gaped at the unexpected question. Then he laughed. “Trust me,” he said. “Ilain’s not the one you should be worried about.”
Ethenn didn’t get the message. “You’re going to hurt her.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
