Page 60 of Empress of Ruin
The doctor’s assuming I’m here of my own volition and want to look after Killian. And I haven’t really given him any reason to think otherwise, have I? I’ve sat here for the last three hours, watching and worrying, staring at Killian.
There’s something deeply, deeply wrong with me.
I don’t love him—that much I’m certain of. But I must… care for him on some level.
It’s because of self-interest, I decide. Yes, that has to be it. My fate is closely tied with his, so I’m ensuring he stays safe and alive for the sake of my own survival.
No matter how many times I try to tell myself that, my thoughts still have the ring of deception.
After the doctor leaves, Killian slowly steps off the table. Locke helps him upstairs and to the bathroom.
“I’ll take it from here,” I say, shooing Locke out.
Putting my turmoil on the back burner, I help Killian undress and run a bath for him. He did this so many times for me, whether or not I wanted him to, when I was still on crutches from my sprained ankle. It seems like some twisted form of… not retribution. Again,I don’t knowwhat any of this is.
“Going to bathe me, Little Bird?” Killian arches an eyebrow at me.
“Of course not.” I straighten. “I’m sure you’ll manage more than sufficiently on your own. I’ll just leave you to it, then.”
“Don’t go anywhere, Lyra.” Killian’s tone isn’t as harsh as it usually is when he gives orders; instead, the words come out more like a plea. That makes me pause halfway to the door. “Just… sit with me. Please. It’s been a long few days, and an even longer night.”
“I’ll only sit with you if you tell me everything.” I turn around, facing him. “I meaneverything, Killian. You’ve kept me in the dark long enough. I give you my word that I'm not going to run or betray you…ifyou start letting me in.”
“And if I don’t?” His tone is half-amused, half-serious.
“Then I’ll never stop trying.”
He nods. Slowly trudges over to the bathtub, and half-sinks, half-falls in. Water splashes over the edges, and my heart leaps. My fingers itch with the urge to help him or at least clean it up.
“Very well,” he finally says.
I nearly stumble back. That was alarmingly easy. Maybe he’s still feeling lightheaded from the night he’s had.
I’m not above taking advantage of his incapacitated state. God knows he’s done worse before. I’ll never forget when he druggedme with an aphrodisiac that turned me into an entirely different person.
Or maybe it just brought out what was already there…
I grab a towel, drop it on the floor before the bathtub, and take a seat. Killian looks exhausted, with dark circles under his eyes and an unusually pale, slightly waxy complexion. Even so, he’s still one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen.
Why does such beauty have to hide such evil?
Is it evil? Or ruthless ambition?
Killian reaches for the body wash on the far edge of the tub, gasps, and freezes. Guilt twines its way around my heart, squeezing tight. I can’t just sit by while he struggles, no matter that he doesn’t deserve my help. It’s not in my nature to see pain and do nothing about it; that’s one of the chief things that distinguishes me from Killian.
“Lie back,” I mutter, awkwardly. “I’ll do it.”
I fetch a towel and washcloth from the cupboard under the sink. The towel goes behind his head; the washcloth, I dip in the bathwater.
“Talk,” I tell him as I lather it up with soap
He arches an eyebrow. “I’ll get you back for your tone once I’m feeling better.”
“Talk,” I emphasize. “Prove to me you’re at least capable of keeping your word.”
Killian sighs. “Alright.” As I start running the cloth over his chest, mindful to avoid the edges of the bandage, hedoesstart to speak. “I suppose this story takes us all the way back to grad school,” he says, a note of wonder in his tone, as if he hasn’t taken the time to reflect on this. “I was in a prestigious school and had a knack for making prestigious friends, despite very slow beginnings. I think that’s when members of The Eyes first earmarked me as someone to keep tabs on.”
“How old were you?” I glance at his face.
