Page 44 of Empress of Ruin
I nod, inhaling a deep breath. “And Silas?” He seems to be Killian’s biggest rival. There was palpable tension between them at the gala.
“Also a part of it.” He runs a hand through his hair again, stalks over to the bed, and takes a seat on the edge of it. We stare at each other from across the room.
“What does your organization do?” I ask quietly.
Killian chuckles. “A shorter conversation would be explaining what theydon’tdo. In sum, we pull the world’s strings. We’re the men behind the public figures of power. Presidents change, monarchs die, but high-society moguls pass power down through generations. I’m new blood and new money in The Eyes, but I gained seniority because of the power I’ve amassed. Silas Black is old money.”
“That’s why you have a rivalry,” I realize. “And a weird alliance. Sometimes you’re friends, sometimes you’re not—”
“We willneverfucking be friends,” Killian says. “He’s a boy who inherited an empire and is on the fast track to losing it. I’m a man who has fought, clawed, andkilledto be where I am right now. I openly antagonize him when it suits me, and do business with him when I must.”
I nod slowly, digesting this. “And… is Silas the one who leaked the tape?” I can’t mask the pain in my voice.
Killian inclines his head. “Yes.”
“Why did he have it, Killian?” I ask quietly. “Why would you give something like that to your enemy?”
“It’s complicated,” he grits out. “The Eyes don’t like reporters or journalists poking around members. They noticed I’d taken an interest in you and gave me a standard warning. Silas read into it more, and recognized I had high regard for you even before I did. He clocked that you might eventually be a way to hurt me, and he took advantage of it. When you met with my old assistant…” his jaw flexes. “It was a stupid move. Silas had youtailed. He came to me and demanded I get rid of you before you could dig up something problematic. He threatened to go to The Eyes, who would’ve definitely killed you.”
My breath hitches. “All I did was meet with an assistant.”
“You’re a smart, clever, highly acclaimed journalist. They wouldn’t want to take chances. So, I told Silas to keep his mouth shut, and that I’d take care of it. Which I did. I got leverage that would’ve—should’ve—ensured your silence. He assumed I’d kill you, so when he found out that I’d kept you alive, he also demanded leverage. I sent him a snippet of the tape to shut him up and ensure his silence.” Killian stares at the floor, then raises his eyes to mine again. “I didn’t care for you then, and I didn’t think I ever would. I didn’t care for potential consequences, because I figured I’d be done with you before they could pop up.”
A tear trails down my cheek. “You exposed me to danger. You’restillexposing me to it. Did you hate methat much?”
“I never hated you. Not then, and not now. I just didn’t much care what happened to you after our time together had run out. It was a miscalculation.” His jaw works.
I shake my head. “You won’t even apologize for your mistakes, will you?”
Several drawn-out beats of silence pass. Finally, he grits out, “I apologize for not being an oracle and not anticipating the future perfectly.”
My spine snaps straight. “That isnotan apology.”
“It’s what you’ll get, so be grateful.” He stands, brushing past me and heading into the closet. I hear the noises of him starting to get dressed, but don’t turn around to look at him. Irritation with his inability to utter a genuine apology aside… at least I now knowsomeof the danger I’m in.
I’m starting to understand that whatever’s happening goes far beyond me and Killian. I’m now, willingly or not, occupying a world that is more than dangerous; it’s horrifying.
“Youinsiston keeping me, but you fail to grasp the simple mechanics of a relationship.”
“I understand everything I need to. You belong to me. You do what I say. I spoil the hell out of you and give you everything you could possibly desire. It’s simple, really.”
“For someone who claims to be so smart, you are stunningly stupid.” I shake my head. “Relationships aren’t perfect. They involve fuckups, arguments, and shouting. They also involvemakeups, not just one party resenting the other.”
“Maybe those are relationships for normal people. We’re not normal.”
“Iwantto be normal!” I shout. “God, Killian, I fuckingcravenormality. My life has been nothing but a fucking mess for nearly a year, and that’s becauseyouwalked into it. I washappybeforehand.”
“Were you?” Killian arches a challenging eyebrow.
“Maybe nothappy, but content,” I amend. “Ambitious. I had a bright future—”
“Please,” Killian scoffs, selecting a suit jacket from a hanger. “You were living a mediocre life with equally mediocre prospects. You would’ve eventually found a mediocre man, had mediocre children that you would’ve struggled to support. Eventually, you’d have moved to the suburbs—Connecticut, or worse,New Jersey,” he mimes gagging, “to finish out a perfectly mediocre existence. You were up against a glass ceiling.” He puts cufflinks into his shirt, while I stand and silently fume. “There is no glass ceiling with me, Lyra. The sky isn’t even the limit. There is no limit.”
“First of all, gofuck yourself. Second of all, not having a glass ceiling doesn’t mean happiness. I could live in the suburbs and have a perfectly happy, content life. Withyou—”
“You will have the best possibleopportunities in life. Little Bird, anyone who says that money doesn’t equal happinesshas never had enough money to blow. Money is opportunity. Opportunities lead to successes or enjoyments, which leads to happiness. You’re only in this cage so long as you fight me. Try siding with me, and see what I can give you.”
I hold up my hand. “Children I don’t want to have, a published book I didn’t want to write, a ruined career.” I curl one finger closed for each item I tick off.
