Page 88 of Doc Rock
Hel closed the gap between them and slung an arm around Mai’s shoulders, saying softly,“You still love him?”
Mai stared at their reflection in the mirror and debated for a moment about lying. Locking down her feelings like she had done for the last sixteen years.
Then realised she didn’t want to. After so many years of being alone, she wanted to start letting people back in. Even if she couldn’t have Ford, she didn’t want to be an island anymore. She wanted to confide in the woman standing in front of her.
“I never stopped.”
“Shit.” This time, it was Hel who swore.
“He kissed me the other day,”Mai murmured. Staring at their reflections, watching the other woman’s reaction.
“Oh.” Hel kept her face blank.
“Yeah. Then he shoved me away and yelled at me. He has no idea what to think about me at the moment. I vanished out of his life sixteen years ago. I can’t expect him to forgive me in a week.”
“Do you think he’ll forgive you eventually?”
Mai shook her head.“No. I desperately want him to, but I don’tseethat happening after what I did to him.”
Hel met her gaze in the mirror and squeezed her shoulder.“Give him time.”
“Like sixteen years?”Mai said glumly.
“I personally wouldn’t wait sixteen years.”Hel chuckled, then shrugged.“But I did let the love of my life slip through my fingers with no argument. If he hadn’t come back, I would be sitting alone, mourning whatcouldhave been. Don’t do what I did. If you want him, and you thinkthere’s even a chance, fight for him. Don’t live the rest of your life with regrets.”
“What if he says no?”Mai whispered.
“Then at least youknow. You can start to recover. Isn’t it worse to live with regrets than rejection?”
Mai sighed, a deep, shuddering breath.“I can’t live with any more regrets than I do already. But, I…”she hesitated.“I don’t think I’m ready to tell him yet.”
“You don’t have to tell him today. Just think about what you want. Not what you think he wants,”Hel said, staring at Mai in the mirror.
“Okay.”Mai nodded in agreement, sniffing again and blinking to stop the tears welling.
Hel released her and stepped back.“If you need to talk, I’m here to listen.”
“Thanks.”Mai leaned forward over the sink, took her glasses off and splashed more water over her face.
“I’llseeyou in a few minutes.”Hel gave her a reassuring smile, then walked out of the bathroom.
While the door was open, the noise of the pub washed over Mai, and when it closed, the silence let her thoughts become too loud.
She wanted his forgiveness, she wanted togettoknowhim again, and she wanted him forever.
Dabbing more water on her face to clear her eyes, she stepped away from the sink and grabbed a paper towel to dry her face, then put her glasses on.
Shecoulddo this. She'd let her emotions carry her away for a moment, and she wouldn’t make that mistake again.
When she pushed the bathroom door open, she jumped in surprise. Ford stood leaning against the wall opposite.
“Hi,” Mai said hesitantly.
“Hey.”He stared at her, and she couldn’t meet his eyes, instead focusing on the wall over his shoulder.
Hel’s words rang in her head: what did she want?
Everything,was her answer.
