Page 51 of Doc Rock
“Was it amazing?”Mai couldn’t believe she was asking about an old holiday, but at this point, she had no idea what to say.
“No,” Donnie said flatly.
“Oh.”
“Ford was at his worst,”Donnie supplied.“He'd spiralled, and him and Ryan went on a bender.”
“Shit,” Mai muttered.
“Shit indeed. Sex, drugs and rock and roll.”Donnie sighed deeply.
Something sharp pierced her heart. SheknewFord had moved on. Shesawall the women he had been linked with over the years, butit wastough tohearDonnie, someone whoknewthe full truth, say it.
“They were out of control. They destroyed the hotel room. It took a lot of money in the right places to stop that from reaching the headlines. I took Ford to rehab for the first time after that.”
Mai wasn’t sure if Donnie was talking to her anymore or just lost in his own memories, so she didn’t say anything. Even though it hurt so much, she needed toknowabout the mess she caused by leaving.
“And Ryan, but he checked himself out in a week. Ford stayed for the whole three months. He stayed off drugs for six months that time. Then we were performing in Las Vegas, and he fell off the wagon.”
Mai remembered the footage.
Ford had been in the middle of a concert. Hecouldbarely stand, definitely couldn’t sing, and before they were even eight songs into the set, he began to trash the equipment. Breaking guitars. Pushing speakers into the audience—he was lucky not to kill anyone with his antics.
He'd finished his rampage by giving the crowd the finger and stomping off stage.
“No amount of moneycouldkeep that one out of the press, as he imploded too publicly.”Donnie sighed.“The come down after that was a bitch, and we had to cancel the rest of that tour.”
“For ‘exhaustion’,” Mai murmured.
“Yeah. He wasn’t exhausted. He was just shoving everything up his nose hecouldfind.”
A tear rolled down Mai’s cheek. She had buried herself in her studies every time she read an article about Ford being out of control. Reassuring herself that the media exaggerated everything and that Donnie would look after him.
“That was the second time I took him to rehab.”Donnie didn’t wait for her to say anything. He laughed bitterly.“It finally took after the fifth stay.”
“I’m sorry,” Mai murmured.
“Do you think all of this was your fault?”Donnie’s voice didn’t give away his feelings.
“Yes,” she whispered.
“You left him.”
“Yes.”The tears flowed quicker.
“He destroyed himself.”
Mai blinked. Donnie wasn’t blaming her?
“It was my fault,” she muttered.
“A million men have had their hearts broken before, and they didn’t respond how Ford did.”
“If I wasthere, it wouldn’t have happened.”Mai’s voice became stronger.
“Maybe, maybe not. Sie, I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t blamed you, wished that you hadn’t disappeared. But time is a great way of gaining perspective. Ford chose how to react to you leaving. You didn’t choose for him. He decided togetlost in his own hubris while you studied and made a life for yourself.
“It’s up to you both now what you do from here. I'm glad we found you Sie, you’ll always be family to me. Never forget that.”
