Page 46 of Doc Rock
“What happened to the big proposal?”
Ford ran his hands through his hair.“I was going to do it at the end of the tour, I even asked her dad’s permission, then—”He broke off, unable to say the words.
“Then her parents died,”Donnie finished quietly.
“Yes. Then she was gone. I never told you, but I even hired a private investigator after I couldn’t stand anymore not knowing, but‘poof’, she was gone in a puff of smoke.”Ford stared blankly at the road ahead.
“I did too,”Donnie admitted.
“What?”Ford was so distracted with thoughts of Sie that he didn’t quite catch Donnie’s meaning.
“I hired private investigators to look for her. I didn’t ever tell you because I didn’t want togetyour hopes up, and they never found anything. To be honest, I thought she was dead.”Donnie had never been one to mince his words, but he never once said to Ford that she might be dead.
“You never said that,”Ford whispered.
“Iknewif I said that, I would lose you as well. You would have disappeared so far into addiction, I’d never have found you again.”
Ford had spiralled badly, and rehab saved his life. Donnie, who made him go, saved his life.
“I appreciate everything you did for me. It’s tough, though. My life was such a mess after she left. It’s hard toseeher so put together. She’s successful in her career. She’s got a group of friends. She looks…”he hesitated for a long moment, sighing again.“fantastic. She suits being blonde, and even the glasses look good.”
“Did you speak to her?”Donnie asked gently.
Ford huffed loudly. “Yes.”
“Oh, mate. What did you do?”Donnie accused.
“What makes you think I did anything?”Ford said defensively.
“I’veknownyou for over twenty years. Iknowthe tone of voice you use when you’ve done something you kind of wish you hadn’t.”
“I told her at least she did something good by stopping me from ever getting married.”Ford winced at the memory and the look of heartbreak on her face when he threw that at her.
“Shit.”
“Yeah. Then I stormed off, telling her I couldn’t talk to her.”
“Did you want to talk to her?”
Ford bit his lip.“No. Yes. I don’tknow.”He stopped talking, but Donnie didn’t fill the silence, leaving him with his own thoughts until he continued.“Yes, more than anything. But at the same time. I’m so angry with her. I would have supported her. I would have been happy with whatever she wanted to do.”
“Would you have left the band?”Donnie asked.
“No,” Ford said immediately.
“Are you sure?”Donnie fired back.
Ford opened his mouth to deny it again, then closed it. This time really thinking about the question. If Sie told him back then that she was leaving the band, would he have gone too? If he was being honest with himself, he loved the band and the music, but he’d loved her more. He would have walked away with her without hesitation.
“Shit,” Ford swore.
“You would have given it all up for her,”Donnie stated matter-of-factly.“I don’tknowif that’s why she ran. Maybeit is, maybe it isn’t. Maybe you need to talk to her, without shouting this time or throwing accusations around.”
“I’m so angry with her,”Ford whispered.
“I am too. That’s natural. She vanished sixteen years ago. All I’m saying is think about the future now you’ve found her. What future do you want? One where you regret how you handled this? Or one where youknowwhatever happens, you gave things your best shot.”
“Shit,” Ford swore again.
