Page 90 of The Puppet Master
He nods slowly, his face so serious, it makes me squirm. “And I made friends. Therightfriends who tell me useful things like who to stay away from and what not to do to get myself killed. The kind of friend that I’m being to you,right now.”
I don’t respond. I don’t know if it’s because I’m struck or because I’m too angry.
He hasn’t been a friend to me. He’s been a liar. A manipulator.
I can’t even say that he was genuine when he opened up to me the other day. That could’ve been to manipulate me too.Thiscould be to manipulate me. Everything could be to manipulate me.
I’m not sure anymore why he’s doing it.
Sawyer sighs and runs a hand through his hair. His sleeve raises with the movement, revealing a red bracelet I recognize immediately. Thorne has one just like it. He’s wearing it now.
“Look, Thorne’s girlfriend is the one who’s going to be doing your purification thing, and I’m just worried for you. Sorry for freaking out… You don’t have to take my advice if you don’t want to.”
The worry crinkling his handsome face looks so authentic, it makes me shiver. My eyes point straight ahead as I try to decide what to address first.
“What do you mean she’s doing my purification thing?” I settle on, my voice low and scared.
Sawyer tenses beside me. He doesn’t respond right away, but when he does, it’s like he distances himself. His voice is different. His emotion vanishes, or more likely, hides within.
“There’s a ritual they do for women like you. I guess they think women from the real world areunclean. So they’re going to … baptize you, kind of. They think it makes you reborn or something and ‘pure.’”
“Reborn?”
Again, Sawyer hesitates. There are things he isn’t saying. Crucial details. And already, I know he won’t give them. He won’t give me anything.
“Yeah, I don’t know exactly what that means… Listen, don’t worry about it okay? Just stay away from Thorne and do what I’ve told you. Make them think you’re here to stay and that you're devoted to their principles. You do that, and you’ll be fine.”
I nod. My teeth dig into my lip.
“Did your ‘friend’ tell you all this?” The pain in my voice is barely audible, and I tell myself Sawyer doesn’t hear it.
“No… I just understand the mission.”
I smile bitterly. “The mission of creating sex slaves.”
“The mission of creating a utopia where people can be free to express themselves in the way that they choose.”
“You meanmen,” I scoff. “You letmenexpress themselves in the way that they choose.”
Sawyer sighs. “I’m not going to discuss this further with you, Luna… I’ve defended myself enough.”
I chew on my lip while dragging my nails across the divots in the quilt, curling my fingers until they press to my palms.
I close my eyes and try not to hate myself for what I’m about to say. “Is that why you want to spend so much time with her and so little time with me? Because she doesn’t question you?”
Sawyer’s quiet a moment. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
My cheeks pinch as I cringe. It’s as if he slapped me. “Please don’t lie to me. Not right now, not about this. I already feel pathetic enough.”
When Sawyer shifts closer, I feel even worse knowing his comfort is fake.
Over a hundred women, Luna. Why would you be the one who got to him? Why would you be special?
“It’s not what you’re thinking,” Sawyer says, his hand fitting over mine. I want to snatch it away but don’t want him to stop talking. “She’s just some nutty girl who knows a lot about the compound… I’m not off riding tandem bikes and watching sunsets. I’m just trying to figure out how to get to the cult’s money undetected, and she’s the key to that. That’s all.”
“Is that why you agreed to stop training?” I pull my hand from his to cover my face. I blow out a humorless laugh while hating myself for not seeing the obvious.
Not training me gave him more time to do what he really wanted.
