Page 132 of Rescued
“I’m not putting words in your mouth. I’m trying to understand. Please help me understand.”
Growling, he paces the floor. “It’s different than I thought it would be. It was supposed to be just us, and now it’s not.”
I let out a manic laugh. “Take a look around, kid. In case you missed it.The house I got for us burned to the ground. I almost fuckingdied. The only reason it didn’t take another year for me to bring you home was because of Jasper.”
He bares his teeth at me. “And I’m just supposed to be grateful that your fancy boyfriend moved us all into his fancy house? I’m supposed to be happy that he’s spending hundreds of dollars on a single dinner and driving us to school in his big, nice truck?”
I honestly don’t even know what to say. Being grateful for the things you have feels like a fucking given to me. “I’m sure as fuck grateful that he took us all in.”
“And what are we gonna do if you break up?” Salem snaps, his eyes zeroing in on mine. “Then what? Nora and I just go backinto foster care? You gonna sleep in your car? Got any other fancy friends who will take you and a couple of fucked-up kids in?”
My heart slams against my ribs. “Don’t talk about yourself that way.” Salem waves me off. “Jasper’s not going to kick us out.”
“And you just know that?” He snorts, rolling his eyes again.
I nod, my throat going tight. “Actually, yeah. I trust him. I believe in him.”
“Just like you believed Mom would stay clean.”
His words cut me to the core, and I nearly double over as my eyes burn. “That’s not fair.”
“It’s thetruth,Arlo. I can’t help it that you can’t deal with it. But it makes sense, since you left us there and didn’t deal with it at all.”
“I dealt with it my entire fucking life!” I’m raising my voice, and I know I am. But I’m too frustrated to stop. Too upset to regulate myself. “Far longer than you did. I kept your diapers changed and protected you from Mom and Melvin, and I went hungry so you could fucking eat!”
Salem’s eyes widen. “Well, I’m so sorry I was such aburdenon you. Maybe you should have left me in Tennessee. That’s all you do anyway. Leave.”
I rub my hand down my face. “No. That’s not all I do. I’m standing right fucking here, Salem. Don’t you think I deserved better than that? Don’t you think I deserved to get away?”
“What about what I deserve?” he shouts, his voice cracking.
“I’m trying to give you what you deserve!” I yell back. “But you won’t fucking let me. Why the fuck are you being like this? I can’t do it.” I shake my head, tears welling up in my eyes. “I can’t fuckingdothis shit anymore!”
Devastation spreads across Salem’s face, and I want to suck the words back in. I want to take them back. I want to make them go away. I take a step toward him, but he backs away.
The door swings open, and Jasper walks inside. “That’s enough.” He steps between us, blocking my view of Salem, and as soon as his concerned blue eyes meet mine, a sob rips from my chest. “I think you both need time to calm down. Nothing productive is happening. I know you love each other.” Jasper turns to Salem. “I know you love your brother.”
Salem doesn’t say anything, and that’s probably for the best. I lean over, bracing my hands on my knees as more tears spill from my eyes, my chest heaving with each sob that tears out of me.
“Let’s talk more in the morning, okay?” Jasper says, his voice calm and low. “Is that okay, Salem? We can talk tomorrow; give everyone some time to calm down?”
I’m fucking losing it, so I barely hear Salem’s quiet “Okay.”
“Are you going to be alright?” Jasper asks, and it takes me a second to realize he’s not talking to me. “Do you need to talk? Do you want me to sit in here with you for a second?”
Salem doesn’t answer with words, but he must do something because Jasper says, “Okay, I’m taking him to bed, and if you need me, come get me.”
“Not Arlo?”
Salem’s voice is choked and hurt, and he sounds so much like the small kid I used to do everything I could to protect that it makes my stomach twist in agony.
“No,” Jasper says. “Not Arlo. If you need something, come getme.”
Warm hands grip my sides, and then I’m being lifted, pulled into Jasper’s arms. That makes me cry harder. I bury my face against his throat, not even bothering to look up as he strides out of Salem’s room, pulling the door shut behind him with a quiet click.
When he gets us into the bedroom and lays me down in bed, I curl in on myself, covering my face with my hands. I fuckedeverything up. I don’t know what I’m doing at all. I have no idea how to navigate this. I have no idea how to fix things. I don’t even know how to have a productive conversation with the person I used to be the closest to.
Salem is a stranger to me, and I’m a stranger to him, and I don’t know what to do with that. I don’t know how to change it. I fear I can’t.
