Page 46 of Fall For Me
“Sean . . .”
“Tell me how you learned, Hannah. If you didn’t take the courses and didn’t get your license, how did you learn?”
She stares at me in silence, so I press again. “Tell. Me.”
“YouTube?”
Mother fuck.
She did not say that. I know I imagined those words coming out of her mouth because my Hannah is too fucking smart to pull some shit like that. I close my eyes again. Dammit, she went too far. I’m trying to keep my temper in fucking check. All I want to do is get out of thistruck and put some space between us, but I’m not leaving her in here alone for a second.
“I just wanted to feel alive. To feel a rush. You know? To feel fucking something.Anything. I have two weeks! Two fucking weeks, Sean, before I lose everything!”
I want to tell her that modern medicine is giving her a chance at everything. She can still be a mom, maybe not conventionally, but it can still happen with adoption. For me, it’s not about the how, it’s about the outcome. And if she wants, she can still have reconstructive surgery, not that I think she needs it because she doesn’t, but if that’s what she feels she needs to do to make herself feel better, I’m behind her.
How can I tell her all of that? How can I tell her she’s looking at this the wrong way? I can’t and I won’t. It’s impossible for me to understand the complex emotions she’s going through. I’m not a woman. I’ll never know what it’s like to give up what she’s giving up just for a fighting chance to live.
Even after all of this, she could still get cancer. She could still die. That’s the shitty part. Hannah’s taking a gamble, but the way I see it, even though she’s putting her body and mind through all of this, she's not acting as though her risk is worth the reward.
I can still hear the sound of the rocks tumbling off the cliff, clanking against the canyon wall. Smell the dirt in the air. The way she looked at me right before she jumped. The words she spoke.
“See you on the other side.”
Was that a double meaning? Surely fucking not.
My eyes fly back open, and as bile climbs its way up my throat, I double down with a gamble of my own. Reaching up, I thumb away the tears from her high cheek bones. Her long thick lashes flutter, causing another tear to drop and trickle down along the side of her nose as I cradle her cheeks in the palms of my hands.
“If you don’t stop this shit,I’mgoing to be the one to lose everything! Do you understand that? You. Are. Everything. You are my life, and you’re testingmyfucking luck like a goddamn game of Russianroulette! I understand you want tofeelalive, but I need you tostayalive.”
She heaves a few breaths, and her face crumples.
Goddammit. Way to keep yourself in check, fucker.
I wrap my arms around her—pulling her into my chest—and my fingers thread into her curls.
“I’m an asshole, I know. Fear doesn’t make me gentle, baby, it makes me fucking desperate and ruthless. Please don’t back me into a corner, because I will fight for you, even when you won’t fight for yourself, and we both know I won’t be fair about it.”
We sit there for a while, holding each other while her tears spill onto my shirt. “Just a little speedbump, sweetheart. We’re okay.”
Her body shakes against mine. “I’m s-sorry that I scared y-you. I’m so sorry.”
I squeeze her a little tighter. “All is good. We’re good. Okay? Promise me. No más. You’re done putting your life in danger.” I tilt her chin up, and when she nods, I place a kiss to her lips, then give her ass a little tap. “Now, up-up buttercup, we need to go.”
Her phone rings as she plops back down into the passenger seat, and I cast my eyes over to the cup holder where her phone rests, her dad’s name lighting up the screen. Hannah looks at me, then back at her phone as if trying to decide whether to answer it or not. When she doesn’t make a move, I grab the phone and place it on speaker, then reach over and buckle her in.
“Hey, Coach.”
“What’s taking you so long?”
I glance over at Hannah as I try to decide what to tell him, then focus back on the road and put the truck in drive. “We had a minor setback, but we’re not far. Do you need anything while we’re out?”
The line muffles with Coach asking if anyone needs anything, then Aiden’s voice hits my ears loud and clear. “We need food. And not this vending machine shit. I’m talking a fat ass juicy burger . . . only thing is we can’t eat in front of the bear. She’s starving and grouchy as fuck. They’re only allowing her ice chips, so whatever you get, we’ll have to eat in the waiting room.”
“Whoa. Doc actually let you in the room?” I ask.
“Of course. He’s too distracted to care that I’m here. River’s been cussing him up one side and down the other. She squeezed his hand so hard that he dropped to his knees like a big fucking titty baby. And then, in a demon voice she said, ‘If you think you're getting more than two, think again, asshole. There will be no more after the twins,’” Aiden mocks as Hannah and I both laugh our asses off. “I shit you not, Mac. It sounded like Satan’s voice came out her mouth from the fiery depths of hell. Freaked me the fuck out. I’m never having kids. I’ll just be the fun uncle. This whole labor thing is for the birds.”
“You do know males can’t actually feel labor pains, right, Aiden?” Hannah asks.
