Page 34 of Fall For Me
As she steps out of the rink, she looks over her shoulder and smiles a real smile. A new surge of hope flares in my chest at the brief glimpse ofmyHannah.
Eleven
Hannah
“You can do this,” I breathe, shaking my hands out at my side and giving myself a pep-talk as my legs carry me up the steps to my dad’s door.
I contemplate running back down to my car, hopping in, and going home, but Sean’s words from the other day cross my mind. Hearing him beg, seeing the pain on his face, ripped my heart into pieces. I know I’ve been a hateful C U Next Tuesday. The weight of what I’m going through, the knowledge and fear of what’s in store for my future, has transformed me into the worst possible version of myself these past few months.
Standing in the mirror after surgery, looking at the scars on my chest, didn’t bother me much in the beginning. I could opt for reconstructive surgery at any time, no big deal. It was after the choice to bear children was taken from me that I started spazzing out. Then there’s the weight of protecting my dad and keeping this secret from everyone else. Sean was right; hiding this from my dad has become too much. Plus, he deserves to know. Maybe if I release the pressure valve, I’ll stop blowing up at people like a ticking timebomb.
Ringing the doorbell, I wait for someone to answer. With Dad and Katherine being newlyweds, the last thing I want to do is walk in on them like River did with her parents. Yeah, gross. The door swings open, and the man who’s been my hero my entire life stands in the open doorway with a look of surprise.
“Hi, Dad. Can we talk?” I ask, wringing my hands together.
“You know you don’t even need to ask that question.” He opens the door wider, and I slide past him. “Is everything okay?”
Shaking my head, I look into his eyes, and the wall I’ve built up for myself crumbles on the spot. With his arms around me, I hold onto him, crying my heart out until his shirt is soaked.
“Oh, honey. Are you okay?” Katherine asks from the kitchen as Dad guides me to sit down on the couch and parks himself beside me.
I sniff. “Not really.”
“I’ll put on a pot of coffee for you both and leave you two to chat,” Katherine says.
The thing I love about my new stepmom is that she knows how to read a room. She never hovers over me and Dad; always giving us space to have our relationship while also confidently finding her role in our family. I love her. I love her for him too. As I look around, old pictures of me and my mom still litter the fireplace mantle, and next to them resides pictures of her life too—Aspen, Callan, Tucker, and their new baby, Westin. Then there’s pictures of River and Carter. There’s also one of us all at Kat’s parents’ last Thanksgiving. This woman has so much love in her heart to give and really knows how to blend a family.
After stalling for too long he asks, “What’s going on, sport?”
“Katherine?” I call out.
She peeks her head into the living room. “Yes?”
“Can you come in here please?” I ask, feeling like she needs to be a part of this conversation.
“Please tell me you’re not pregnant,” he jokes.
His words sucker punch me in the gut.
I want to be a mother so badly. Telling my dad that he’s going to be a grandfather is a conversation I’ll never be able to have with him.Sure, he has Tucker, Westin, and when the twins come, they’ll be welcomed into the fold too, but the Jenkins’ blood ends with me.
“I really wish I came here to bear news like that, because contrary to what you might believe, that’d be an amazing turn of events. Truth is, that’s never going to happen for me, Daddy.”
His lips thin into a straight line and brows tug together, then his expression shifts to a polite smile aimed at his wife when she brings our mugs to the coffee table, setting each of them down on coasters. Katherine folds herself into the couch on the other side of me with concern in her eyes, and I go on to tell them everything, leaving nothing out. The look on my dad’s face, the tears in his eyes, breaks my heart. I knew he’d have a hard time with this.
“God, I can’t believe you’ve been doing this without me. No wonder you haven’t been acting like yourself. I knew something was off. I just thought maybe it was hormones.” He squeezes my hand. “I wish you would have told me.”
“Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have told you if Sean didn’t push the matter.”
“So, Mackenzie’s been your death-defying buddy? That’s it? Nothing else?” He pins me with a hard look.
It’s no secret that Dad’s not a Sean Mac fan at all. I don’t want to lie to him, so I give him a mild version of the truth.
“He’s my friend, Dad.”
“What’s next?” Katherine asks, chartering the conversation back into safer territory. “After the hysterectomy, I mean.”
“Regular screenings. The preventative surgeries will substantially reduce the risk of cancer, and I should be able to live a fairly normal life, minus having children . . . and boobs. The option to have reconstructive surgery is available, though. I just opted out of it for right now. I want to make sure I’m all clear before making that choice.”
