Page 20 of Fall For Me
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
Dragging my hands down my face, I let out a sigh and stare out at the pool. She’s been bitter and quick to lash out since she came back from her sabbatical. I thought it was just me but . . . I pull my phone out of my pocket and press the call button.
“Oh, look, it’s my pharmacist.”
“Cut the shit, Aiden. How long have you known about Hannah?”
Standing, I cross the concrete path toward the pool. Silence fills the line as I pace back and forth, then he finally breathes out an, “Oh, fuuuck.”
“Yeah, ‘Oh, fuck.’ I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”
“Maybe if you would’ve listened to her instead of breaking things off under assumptions, she would’ve had the opportunity to tell you herself.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. Doesn’t matter now. What matters is that you don’t say anything to anyone else about this. With the exception of Cam and me, ‘cause we’re the ones who took care of her after her surgery, nobody else knows—not even Coach.”
“What do you mean Coach doesn’t . . .” I trail off. The other end of the line is quiet as the puzzle pieces start clicking together. “She never went to Europe. The sabbatical was a ruse, wasn’t it?”
Silence.
“That’s some fucked up shit to keep from him, Aiden.”
“Well, that’s her conviction,Sean.”
“She’s not doing this alone anymore. That ends now.”
“She hasn’t been doing it alone.”
“She’s been doing it without me, goddammit!” I yell, mad at him, mad at myself, mad at the whole fucking world.
“Hannah needs this week without your shit. Be there for her and stop the hostile takeover.”
“Don’t tell me how to take care of her.”
“Then take care of her, and I won’t have to.”
Pressing the end button, I shove the phone back into my pocket. I don’t need him reminding me of all the ways I fucked up; the back and forth I put her through. Letting her get close, then pushing her away. He knows I’ve been working to make things right.
When I finally drag my ass inside to find a room to sleep in, I see Hannah through the cracked opening of her bedroom door, standing at a dresser in a pair of pale, pink pajamas, both hands gripping the wood, and her head hanging in defeat. She sniffs, quickly wiping her face with the back of her hand, then lifts her chin and stares at herself in the mirror. Do I try to comfort her, or do I give her space? I don’t know how to navigate this.
“Why now?” she whispers to herself, releasing a sob.
I push the door open, and as it creaks, she startles and folds her arms against her chest. Turning away, she hides herself from me, and why wouldn’t she? I never made her feel safe.
“You deserved more than I gave you,” I say, knowing she wasn’t talking to me, but I feel the need to answer anyway. Leaning against the doorframe with my hands tucked into my pockets, I continue. “You were wrong when you said I haven’t done a damn thing to prove anything to you. I’ve spent these past seven months working on myself and fighting like hell to become the man you’d be proud to be with. Just because you haven’t noticed the strides I’ve made doesn’t mean I haven’t been making them.”
Dejected by her silence, I release a sigh and close the distance. I start to reach for her but stop myself before my fingers can even graze the air between us. I want to feel her soft skin under my fingertips. To press my chest to her back and see if she’ll lean into me like she used to. To wrap myself around her, bury my nose in her hair, and breathe her in until we both stop feeling like we’re falling apart on the inside.
I want her back. In every selfish, fucked-up way, I want her fucking back.
But this isn’t about me.
“I know it’s not enough, but I’m sorry, Hannah. I’m so fucking sorry for everything.”
Without another word, I leave her room, closing the door behind me, and as I lie in my bed, I decide space is not what Hannah Jenkins needs. It’s what she thinks she needs, but I know her better than that. What my girl needs is to be consumed, and that’s exactly what I plan to do.
Seven
