Page 115 of Fall For Me
“No, that’s what she told me. Maybe my brain checked out somewhere and I took it as I couldn’t leave the vehicle.” My face crumples,thinking about how she was just sitting there next to me. “Keys are in the car. I don’t want it back. I’ll never be able to drive it again anyways.”
The officer taps his tablet against his hands and nods.
“Thanks for your cooperation tonight. Again, I’m sorry for your loss,” he says before leaving us three in the living room.
“I don’t want Jade to know that Granny was in the car when she passed,” Aiden says. “As far as she’s concerned, Granny died in her sleep peacefully. She doesn’t need to know any more details.”
“Agreed,” Sean and I both say.
“I’m uh . . .” He trails off, wiping the tears staining his cheeks with his hands. “I’m gonna go cuddle with my baby and try to figure out how the fuck I’m gonna tell her that her Granny is gone in the morning. You guys know where the guest room is if you wanna stay.”
He starts to leave the room but turns back around. “Hannah, thanks for taking care of my little girl.”
“Always,” I say as he walks out of the room.
“Come on, mi amor. Let’s go home.”
The drive to Sean’s house torments me. All the time she and I spent together and every conversation we ever had plays out in my mind. By the time we finally drag ourselves through the front door, Sean's family is already asleep, and the house is bathed in darkness. Chávez meows at my feet, and as I pick him up, cuddling into his soft fur, I can’t help but continue replaying the last conversation with Granny over and over in my head.
“I’ll take the coaching job,” I tell Aspen, storming into her office.
“Hannah, it’s only been a week, and you’ve been through something very traumatic. I really think you need to take some time off to process and grieve.”
“I don’t need to take time off,” I snap.
What I need to do is keep my word to Granny. When I glance up and see the expression on Aspen’s face, I know she’s not going to budge.
“What are you gonna do while I’m gone? Hmm? Who’s gonna help you?” I ask.
“You can’t help me when your mind is somewhere else. Take the time.”
She doesn’t leave any room for argument. Huffing an angry breath, I storm out of the facility, then set out on my bike. The wind whips my hair as I speed up the highway, but the rush doesn’t feel the same. It’s empty. Unfulfilling. I drive for hours, so numb I can’t even feel the cold October air. Hitting top speed down the winding road, I try harder to make the adrenaline pump through my veins, but it never fucking does. I park my bike, hop off, and walk closer to the rock-lined ridge that overlooks the river of Hawks Nest, then perch myself on the wall, dangling my feet on the other side.
Why the hell did I wind up here?
“Remember what I said about coincidences?”
“There are none. Yeah, I remember.”
“That’s right. Everythin’ happens for a reason.”
“You’re an asshole, Granny. A fucking asshole. You wanna talk about coincidences . . . or lack thereof?” I yell, swiping the angry tears from my face. “Why the fuck am I here?”
“Ya know what yer problem is? Ya don’t do shit for yourself.”
“Shut up. Just shut the fuck up. I was gonna do this for myself.”
My mind feels like one big giant clusterfuck as memories flood in one after the other, and each one of them is met with a bitter retort flying from my mouth. My breaths become ragged. My molars grind together. Heat claws up my neck and settles over my cheeks, and I finally explode, my voice echoing over the Valley as I scream at the top of my lungs.
“What the fuck do you want from me?!”
No answer comes. Of course it doesn’t.
“God. I’m turning into a literal fucking crazy person.”
Through blurred vision, I watch the way the river flows and think about how rivers carve new paths after a flood. This isn’t the direction I want my life to go. I’m falling right back into the spiral I just climbed out of, and I’ve worked too damn hard and come too damn far to regress back into that version of myself. The fight Sean and I had not too long ago flashes through my mind.
“Where’s my Hannah?”
