Page 77 of Fall For Me
“This is Levaquin,” the nurse says, slowly pushing the plunger. The medication leaves the syringe and flows into my IV. “Sorry I have to push it so slowly. I don’t want it to burn.”
My voice shakes as I ask, “What’s it for?”
“It’s an antibiotic. The surgeon ordered it to help prevent post-surgical infections.”
The anesthesiologist—all decked out in boring blue scrubs and a matching surgery cap—waltzes into the pre-op room as the nurse finishes pushing the medicine into my IV. Between the visible reminder I’m about to go back under the knife and the talk of possible infections, the monitor starts screaming as the rapid rhythm of my heart spikes through the roof.
What if he mixes the sedation wrong and I never wake up? Or what if it’s like that movie “Awake”? I should’ve never watched that movie before surgery. Big mistake. What if I can feel everything, but I’m paralyzed and can’t tell them?
Oh, to hell with this.
“I want you to count out loud from ten,” the anesthesiologist says, rolling over to me on his stool. He pushes a concoction into my IV and my limbs grow heavy. My head settles deeper into the pillow, and everything begins to sound robotic . . . even the sound of my own voice.
“Ten, nine, eight . . .”
“Seven, six, five, four, blah blah blah. I never understood that boring shit. Why don’t they teach creative ways to knock someone out in med school? He could’ve had you sing yourself to sleep. At least that would’ve been more entertaining for me to watch.”
“Mom?”
I turn around, and a gust of wind kisses my face seconds before Mom appears several feet in front of me.
“Hi, sport.” She smiles as the night breeze blows her long, curly brown hair wildly around her.
I run as fast as my legs will carry me, crashing into her and wrapping my arms around her waist. I squeeze her tight as I can.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, there. You’re gonna knock us off this cliff. Speaking of . . . I can’t believe you actually brought me to a place where you frolicked around with Sean.”
It’s then that I realize where we are. The smell of the desert and the dry heat on my skin is exactly as I remember. I stare off into the distance, and the lights of Las Vegas shine brightly below the cliff.
“You know about that?”
“I’m your mother. I know everything.”
“H-How are you even here?” I ask.
Her white sundress flaps around us in the wind, the soft chiffon grazing my skin as we hold each other.
“I’m always here, baby . . . well . . . here, there, a little bit of everywhere.” She releases me and cradles my cheek. “My goodness, look at you. So grown up and beautiful.”
Compliments have always made me uncomfortable. I usually freeze up, notknowing what to say to them, but something about this feels different. I meet her kind words with a huge smile.
“Dad says I look just like you.”
“You’re a perfect blend of us both.” Mom takes my hand, kissing the top of it a couple of times, then leads me to the edge of the cliff. The rough surface scrapes the bottoms of my bare feet along the way. “While we’re on the topic of your dad. Glad to see he’s finally moved on. Took him long enough. His wife is lovely.”
I frown at her in confusion as we both sit down and dangle our legs over the edge of the rock. She takes in my expression and laughs. “I told you. I’m everywhere. I usually just pop in and out. Well, except for that one time; you were talking about me, and I couldn’t help but linger a little longer. It was the night you were out on that road. What's the name of it?”
“Hawk’s Nest?”
She snaps her fingers, then points at me. “That’s it. God, I loved that light blue dress you wore; the color really brought out your complexion and the way it spun when Sean twirled you around . . .so pretty.”
“I knew you were there! I-I felt you,” I say, rubbing my thumb across her hand, and actually feeling the warmth of her skin. I lean my head on her shoulder. “Mom, I miss you so much. I really need you right now.”
“That’s why I’m here, sweetheart.” She turns toward me, taking both of my hands in hers. “You're so strong. Of all the surgeries and treatments I underwent, I was never half as strong as you. I was never as brave as you either. Just what the hell were you thinking jumping off that cliff in the middle of the desert?”
“I already heard it from Sean, Mom.”
“Good. I like him even though he says my music is shit. There’s always room for growth. Maybe hanging around you will help his taste improve. He’s not bad to look at though, and he doesn’t let anyone run over you either.”
