Page 53 of Aidan (The Doherty Mafia)
He cut me off by raising a hand in front of his face.
“You can stop now, Leah. I get it. You gave our son up because you thought it was the right thing to do.”
Twenty-Seven
Aidan
This was not how I imagined being told I was a father.
Not that I’d pictured myself as a dad before—I didn’t think I was capable of it. I definitely didn’t think I could be a good one. But if I had to take a wild guess, this wouldn’t be it.
I could see how sorry Leah was. She didn’t have to explain it to me—it was pretty obvious, this secret tore her up.
I wasn’t mad at her. I was glad she had the baby and she did whatever she thought she needed to do to keep the baby safe. I wasn’t even mad at her for choosing to give the baby away. Everything she did for our son, she did from a place of concern.
What I couldn’t wrap my brain around was the fact that she chose to keep all this from me. That somehow, five years ago—despite the good thing we had going on—she decided I didn’t need to know.
If she had come to me at any point since she left town and told me about our son, I would have taken him. Even if she didn’t want to be with me. Even if she wanted to respect her parents’ wishes for some fucked up reason and live somewhere else.
My son belonged with me, and it made me angry, confused and sad to realize that she didn’t think so.
“Aidan, please say something…”
I didn’t know how long I’d silently stood there. There were still tears in her eyes. There was a part of me that wanted to hold her and wipe those tears away. Tell her I wanted to go through this with her.
There was another part that didn’t want to look at her ever again.
“I know it’s unforgivable. Everything I’ve done and kept from you. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I just want to know if you’re going to be okay.” Her voice quivered and ached as she spoke.
I couldn’t look at her.
Leah took a few steps towards me and I jerked my head up in surprise.
I didn’t want her to come any closer. And the messed up thing was that I still loved her. How could I suddenly stop loving her now? Feelings didn’t work that way—as I learned now.
She held her hands up in surrender.
“Tell me what I have to do, Aidan. Tell me what you need from me and I’ll do it.”
I had to look at her then and she held her head up. Her shoulders were stiff and straight.
There was only one thing left to do.
“I want you to leave me alone,” I said.
It wasn’t easy to say. It took every last ounce of resolve to get those words out, but I had to say them. I needed some space from her so I could fully process all the information I had been given.
“Okay,” she replied.
I left. I couldn’t be there any longer. I couldn’t stand there, looking at her teary face because then I’d turn into a puddle too.
When I was at the door, Leah called for me.
I didn’t turn to her.
“Before you go, Aidan, I just want you to know that it was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. If I could make that decision now as a twenty-five year old, I would’ve never given him up. I would’ve done everything in my power to look after him and give him the best life, but I would’ve kept him with me.”
My hand was on the door knob. I wanted to just walk out of there without another word, but just as always, she managed to suck me back in.
“I need some time away from you. I need to think about what you’ve done and how it’s going to affect the rest of my life.”
Even though I wasn’t looking at her, I sensed her moving towards me, but she kept her distance.
“I understand that. I’m not trying to rush you or any decision you make. I want you to know that I’m here if you have any questions or if there’s any way you think I can make it better.”
“There is no way to make it better, Leah. I will, in most likelihood, never get to meet my son. Probably my only son. You took that opportunity away from me.”
Leah sobbed again and I knew I had to get out of there before my exterior cracked.
“What about…what about Aldo? What am I supposed to do about them?” she asked as I opened the door.
“I’ll take care of that. I’ve had enough of those bastards,” I growled.
Without waiting for her response, I shut the door behind me. Outside on my bike, I had to struggle not to look in the direction of Leah’s window. I knew she would have been looking out at me, watching me leave and probably sobbing still.
