Page 49 of Aidan (The Doherty Mafia)
“You need to take a long hard look at yourself and figure out what you really want from your life before you throw it down the drain again. Sometimes, it’s too late to turn back time.” Killian spoke in his deep wiseguy voice which always infuriated me.
I came up close, facing off with him.
“So you put a ring on some chick’s finger, changing the whole course of our family’s business and safety, and suddenly you think someone made you the world’s greatest husband? I don’t need your fuckin’ advice.”
Before Killian could speak, I already walked away from him.
I didn’t need his shit.
I didn’t need anybody.
Colin found me on the toilet.
I was doing exactly what I did the night I got the phone call from Leah. I’d locked myself in after throwing out the sorry ass who was already in there. Then, I proceeded to pace around and sit on the grubby floor, rocking myself back and forth like I’d been possessed.
Colin banged on the toilet door until I opened it.
It was too dark in there to see, but I sensed he wasn’t happy with me.
“What the fuck happened out there?” he growled at me.
“Did you ask Killian the same question?”
“I was there. I saw it. I didn’t have to ask him anything.”
“But you didn’t hear the bullshit he spouted.”
“Let me guess, he brought up Leah and this is how you reacted.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
Colin pushed his way in, looking around like he couldn’t believe I chose to be alone in there. Yeah, I couldn’t believe I chose to be alone in there either.
“Do you see what you’re doing to yourself, man?” Colin spoke in a calmer voice now.
“I’m just trying to make sense of a few things. Give me one night without your preachy bullshit. All of you.”
“Nobody is preaching to you. We all just want the same thing for you, brother. For you to get away from the rabbit hole of heartbreak.”
“Heartbreak?” I chuckled maniacally. I couldn’t believe he actually used that fuckin’ word on me.
“What else would you call what happened when Leah left the last time?”
I glared at him and he glared back. So, he expected her to leave again. Maybe they all did. Maybe I did too.
That was the problem. I didn’t trust her. No matter how I truly felt about her. She had the kind of power over me nobody else did—and that power was dangerous.
Colin shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants and let out a deep sigh.
“Figure this out with her, man. You need to talk to her. You need to end this. One way or the other. You either saddle up and prepare for the ride with her. Or without her. Either way, you need to decide before it eats you up.”
With that, Colin left the bathroom, finally giving me exactly what I wanted all night—to be left alone.
But I didn’t want to be left alone anymore.
It was close to midnight when I knocked on Leah’s apartment door. I didn’t know how long I’d locked myself in that bathroom at the bar, but I was finally ready to face her.
Have that conversation Colin talked about.
The truth was, I didn’t know what I wanted to fucking say to her. I just wanted to see her again and make sure she was doing okay.
When she opened the door, it was pretty evident that she hadn’t been sleeping. But she looked cute in the tiny shorts and oversized t-shirt she wore.
“Why are you here, Aidan?” She sounded exhausted.
“I don’t know.”
Her eyes roamed over me and I was sure she knew I’d been drinking. She could probably smell it off me. It didn’t matter. I had it pretty clear in my head now.
Leah crossed her arms over her breasts and licked her plump pink lips.
“So are we just going to stand here and stare at each other till one of us drops dead?” she asked.
“Or you could invite me inside.”
“What good would that do?” She rolled her eyes.
When I didn’t say anything, her eyes softened. She wasn’t the kind of girl to be okay with being mean or even making snarky remarks. I could sense in her a need to apologize for her behavior.
“Yes, you should come in. We have a lot to talk about.”
Her apartment was warm and smelled of her. I felt immediately comfortable and that was another one of those scary feelings. I’ve had plenty of those lately.
“I’d offer you a drink but maybe you shouldn’t have any more,” she said.
Once again, I didn’t say anything.
Leah ran a hand through her long red hair and sighed.
“You have to give me something if anything productive is going to come of tonight, Aidan. Is there anything you want to say?”
I clenched my jaws tightly. I was so close to her. I could pull her in, overpower her, take her again. But I couldn’t do it. She wanted something else from me tonight. I just didn’t know if I was ready to give it.
