Page 39 of Aidan (The Doherty Mafia)
Didn’t our child deserve to grow up in a family like this? Where he wouldn’t have to worry about anything in his life. Where he would always be safe.
My parents’ perception of who the Dohertys were and stood for was completely different from reality. First and foremost, they were family. They were close knit. It was evident that they didn’t let too many people in. However, when they did, it was for life.
I looked at Reese with admiration, fondness and a little bit of envy.
She had the life that I could have had if I was stronger back then. If I hadn’t allowed myself to be manipulated by my parents.
I was so afraid that they’d somehow force me to abort the baby, that I left.
I wasn’t thinking straight. I felt alone.
But the truth was, I was never alone. I had Aidan and the support and strength of his entire family if I wanted it.
If only I’d witnessed all this back then—maybe I never would have left. I wouldn’t have blamed myself for falling pregnant out of wedlock.
Instead, I would have been proud.
The party winded to a close. Killian and Reese were on the dance floor, kissing and slow dancing. The rest of the family were scattered around the venue, drinking and laughing. Most of the outsiders—guests, friends and business associates had left already.
I didn’t know what I was still doing there. I wasn't actually a part of the family.
Aidan and I hadn’t interacted too often through the course of the party.
He was constantly surrounded by people and was involved in what looked like serious conversations. Reese always whisked me away to introduce me to people or to just have by her side. So, Aidan and I kept missing each other’s paths.
However, I’d sensed his eyes on me throughout the night. He’d watched me from a distance, and I didn’t know if it was because he wanted to keep an eye on me or because he admired me.
I’d admired him all night.
He looked handsome in his dark suit. It was tailored to his exact fit, accentuating every strong muscle in his body. The navy suit matched his eyes perfectly. It made me weak in the knees.
When he finally walked towards me, there was a part of me that just wanted to turn and run away. I was afraid of what he’d say—tell me to go home? Tell me this was a mistake? That he shouldn’t have gotten me involved with his family?
I was sure he wasn’t thinking the same things I was…about what it might have been like if we were a family. I was sure he didn’t feel the same way I did anymore. This was fun. This was supposed to be a casual thing for old time’s sake.
“How was your night? Sorry if it was a little full on.”
I was surprised by his words. I prepared to get defensive, and instead, he wanted to see if I was comfortable.
“It was fun! I got to see your family up close and personal for the first time. They’re all so nice and friendly.”
“Not scary?”
I laughed at that. “Not at all.”
Aidan grinned too. He looked past me at Killian and Reese on the dance floor. I could see the softness in his eyes, and the fact that he truly cared very deeply for his brother and even for his new fiancé. They didn’t know how lucky they were to have Aidan on their side.
Once again, I teetered on the verge of just confessing everything.
I was drenched in guilt for hiding so much from him when he opened himself up to me. It had to be a difficult thing to do for him. Aidan wasn’t exactly an open book.
“Do you want to come home with me tonight?” he asked, interrupting my thoughts.
I nodded as we smiled at each other.
And once again, I walked away from the opportunity to tell him everything. I was a coward.
And maybe it was because I was guilty and hated myself for being that cowardly…but those were just excuses. The real reason why I went back to his apartment and undressed in the dark was because I wanted him.
I wanted him to touch me. I wanted to wake up next to him and feel the warmth of his body all night.
Aidan slipped off his jacket while he watched me pull down the zip of my dress. His eyes were fixed on me. My dress fell to the floor.
I had black lace lingerie on and I was wet just by the way he stared at me—examining every curve and freckle on my body.
I went up to him and undid his pants. He didn’t make a move. He gave me full freedom to do what I wanted.
I wanted to make him feel good.
I wanted to be a part of him somehow—even though I knew I couldn’t be a part of his family.
