Page 27 of Aidan (The Doherty Mafia)
I was terrified that I would fall in love with this baby, because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to do what I knew was the right thing.
I had to give him away. It was the only chance this baby had at having a good life where he would be nurtured and cared for. I couldn’t give him that. I knew I wasn’t capable. I had no means. I didn’t have a job. No support system.
It was Aidan’s name I continued to whisper and scream through labor. I regretted leaving. I regretted following my parents’ commands and I knew it was too late now. Aidan wouldn’t forgive me for not telling him about the baby.
I felt like my body was being ripped open, I couldn’t stop crying, I couldn’t make it stop. I wanted the baby to stay where it was, but that wasn’t going to happen…
And then, there was calm.
The baby was born. Everyone in the delivery room congratulated me on the birth of my beautiful boy. They placed him in my arms.
He had his father’s blue eyes, wisps of silky chestnut hair and the same handsome smile. I recognized him immediately. It was like I had known him my whole life.
My worst fears came true. Without any control over myself—I fell in love with him.
And while I held him in my arms as he slept there peacefully, cocooned in my fierce adoration of him—I made the decision that would change my life forever. A decision that was an easy one because I loved him so much.
I had to give him up.
I couldn’t take any more pictures.
Hurriedly, I put all the photographs back in the box where I found them. I rushed out of the room, regretting everything.
How could I do this to the father of my child?
What choice did I have?
I went to the bedroom and slipped in. Thankfully, Aidan was still asleep.
I hid my phone in the pile of my own clothes on the floor and got into bed beside him.
He moved and partially opened his eyes as I sank closer to him.
“Hi,” he groaned in a sleepy voice.
“Hi. I got thirsty,” I whispered.
He threw an arm around me and pulled me to him. He felt safe and warm, and I melted in his embrace.
I turned away from him so he could spoon me, covering me with his body. It had been a long since the last time I felt this good. But every chance I got to close my eyes, I saw our son’s face.
He had been asleep in my arms too when the nurse came and took him away. He was adopted immediately by a couple who were waiting there in the hospital for me to give birth. The nurse wanted the baby to bond with his new parents, to form an attachment with his new mother.
So I barely had a few minutes with him. I fought against every natural instinct I had. I wanted to keep holding him. I thought about what Aidan would have done if he knew…if he was there. He would never give up our son.
Tears ran down my face as I lay there beside him.
Our son was out there somewhere…in all likelihood, happy. But I was here heartbroken and miserable. Lying in his father’s arms who didn’t even know he existed.
I didn’t deserve to be forgiven for the things I had done.
Fifteen
Aidan
She was already awake when I woke up the next morning.
Lately, I had fallen into a habit of waking up hungover with a throbbing ache racing at the back of my head. This morning was different in every way.
I felt fresh and light, like I didn’t have a care in the world.
Even back when she was in high school, we didn’t get this chance often—to wake up together. She always had to go back to her parents home because they’d ground her if they found her missing from her bedroom.
This morning felt like a special treat.
Leah was putting on her clothes, facing away from me with her bare body bathed in the sunshine pouring in through my window. She hadn’t noticed me sitting up in bed. She didn’t know I was watching her.
I couldn’t help but admire her beauty. Her full hourglass shape. The way that blue dress slid smoothly down over her body, covering that million dollar ass.
She raked her fingers through her red hair to smoothen it, then she looked over her shoulder and saw me.
“Oh! Good morning! I didn’t want to wake you,” she said with a weak smile.
“I wouldn’t have wanted you to leave without telling me.”
She came over to the bed and planted a kiss on my cheek.
“I should go see my mom at the hospital.”
I didn’t want her to go. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and pin her to the bed, keep her here.
