Page 26 of Aidan (The Doherty Mafia)
I’d always been able to sense when he fell asleep beside me. His body became heavier and his breathing softer. He was on his side, with his face turned to me. I could see his shoulders gently rising and falling. He looked even more handsome now.
I stared at him in the dim light of his bedroom, wanting desperately to touch him. But I knew I needed to leave him alone.
I moved around beside him a little, just to test if he would react, but he didn’t. He was sleeping peacefully and then it struck me—he trusted me. He actually trusted me.
That made it even harder for me to do what I was about to do.
I’m sorry I mouthed the words, being careful not to make a sound.
It had to be done. As much as I didn’t want to do it.
I slipped out of bed and tiptoed out of the bedroom, checking over my shoulder every moment to make sure the coast was still clear.
I wore his shirt, which smelled intensely of him. It made me feel even more guilty because it was like he was constantly around me, with his arms around my shoulders.
I tiptoed into the room at the end of the hallway. I hadn’t been in there but I figured it was his study. He used to store boxes there earlier when he first moved in.
The door wasn’t locked and I was able to step in easily. I shut it behind me and switched on the table lamp.
It was the messiest room in the apartment. Aidan clearly used this space to dump everything he thought was important or would need later, but he hadn’t taken the time to organize it.
I didn’t even know what I was looking for, which would make it even harder for me to find anything useful in the mess.
I looked through boxes that were stowed around the room. All of them contained massive piles of paper.
Business holdings, contracts, legal documents and certificates. It didn’t look like much to me, but I figured it would be useful to Aldo Baron.
I’d remembered to grab my phone before leaving the bedroom so while I rooted through the boxes, I decided to take photographs of everything that looked remotely informational.
Snap snap snap.
I snapped pictures of the pages without thinking or stopping to consider them. Hopefully this stuff would keep the Barons off my back for some time. All I tried to do was buy time.
I lifted up another box to look through it and a bunch of Polaroids slipped to the floor. Cursing under my breath, I knelt down to pick them up. They looked like family pictures.
They were old and a few of them had Aidan’s mother in them. I knew about her and how she’d died. Aidan never liked talking about her because he was very young when she was murdered, and it was a deep wound in him that had never healed.
My heart ached when I saw her in those photographs—how beautiful she looked.
The pictures had small notes at the back—names of the people in the photographs along with the date.
Aidan looked adorable with his brothers as a little boy. He had the same blue eyes and handsome smile. Then I came across a baby photo of him. It was obviously taken in the hospital right after he was born. He was in his mother’s arms with his father looking down at him proudly.
My heart stopped in my chest because I recognized that baby immediately. He was the spitting image of the boy I had given birth to.
I was alone that day when my baby boy was born.
When I say that, I mean I didn’t have anyone around me whom I actually knew. Of course, there were nurses and doctors who had tended to me, but in reality—I felt completely alone.
I wasn’t prepared for pregnancy, and similarly, I wasn’t prepared for childbirth either. I hadn’t known what to expect.
I’d been shielded from everything in my home and even when my mother found out about the pregnancy, she hadn’t given me any helpful information.
The aunt and her family I was living with resented me for my actions. Just like my parents, they were deeply religious too and despised me for being a ‘fallen woman’.
So when I went into labor, they just drove me to the hospital and left me there. I had to fend for myself.
I was in pain. Dazed and confused. I didn’t know how I would pay the hospital bills. I didn’t know how I was going to be a mother or what would happen to my child once he was born.
Would my aunt be willing to provide for him? Let him live in the small room with me? Where would I go if they kicked me out? How would I make ends meet?
Despite the fear and the pain, the loneliness and the regret—I couldn’t help but also feel joyous and excited at the prospect of finally getting to meet this person who had been growing inside me.
