Page 54 of A Second Chance Summer in Dublin
My mouth literally falls open. A huff of breath catches in my throat. I can feel the redness wash over the skin on my neck, rising up into my face. I’m sure I’m the colour of my dress. How dare he?! Suddenly I’m apoplectic.
Did he actually just say that?
‘I didn’tget it? I didn’tnurtureyou? Are you for real, Logan? I basically supported you while you got your big break.’ My arms flail all around me. ‘I put my own career aside to support yours. Isabotagedmy own career to make sure you were happy and successful in yours. I worked all the hours God sent. I gave you my savings to put on your show, which I never got back, by the way! And then more of my savings so you could go to London to work – savings formystore. I’m still working out of the flat. Don’t you dare—’ I curl my toes up so tight in my wedges to ground myself.
‘I get that bit, I do. I know you did all that. You’re so generous, Gracie. I just mean you didn’t support myworld.’ He steps closer, only inches from me now, smiles at me, far too composed.
‘I don’t need you to tell me that I’m a good person, thank you, though. And yourworld? What? Like making me suffer through torturous up-their-own-holes actors in Greek-tragedy plays? Like holding hands with Julianne under the table when you thought I wouldn’t see?’ My words are clipped, cold, my thoughts spiralling. His eyes tell me he’s shocked at what I’ve just said, but he can’t move the rest of his face. He’s definitely had Botox; his face is unable to express anything. That can’t be good for an actor.
He doesn’t even try to deny it. ‘I – it’s not what I mean. Youknow I tried so hard to make contact with you after Portofino. I tried to explain, my text was not how you read it. I mean, it was a hard decision for me.’ He runs his hands through his hair like I’ve seen him do a million times when he’s scrambling. I know he thinks it makes his cheekbones pop.
‘Oh, I’m sorry, poor Logan.’ I make two fists and turn them in front of my eyes in a boo-hoo motion.
A look of surprise on his face. ‘Don’t.’ His eyes narrow to near-closed, as though he can’t quite make me out.
‘I’m pretty sure now that you most likely had a fling with Julianne. I should have confronted you then. But I’m doing it now.’ I’m surprised at how casually I say and feel about this, as yet again, he ignores it.
‘The reason I didn’t want to marry you that day was because I panicked. I didn’t want to be tied down to Ireland, I was afraid you wanted kids, and I couldn’t afford that .?.?. And we’d never really had that conversation. I knew you justassumed. I wanted to focus on my career, be free to go wherever my craft would take me – Broadway, I hoped. And I got there, but I .?.?. I made a mistake. With you. The biggest mistake. But you wouldn’t talk to me, allow me to explain .?.?.’ His voice is a loud whisper now.
It’s a stunning performance, I have to give him that as his eyes pour into mine. ‘I’m such a bitch.’ My voice drips with sarcasm. ‘But let’s be honest, you didn’t really try all that hard now, did you? I mean, you didn’t exactly kill yourself trying to see me.’
Logan lifts his left leg and leans it back against the wooden rafters. ‘Wow. Time really does change people. You are so not the Gracie I knew. I just told you, Mia warned me to stay away, so I just had to hope you would come around. Get in touch with me .?.?. call me, text me, but you never did. Don’t be like this. I know I was a fool to have let you go.’ He tilts his head to one side, tries that flirty move that used to make me weak at the knees.
‘Logan?’ I go up an octave, because something’s shifting as I look at this man who dumped me on our wedding day. ‘I need to go.’
Quickly, I pull myself together. I need to get back to Donal. How rude! I’ve left him in there on his own! He doesn’t know anybody.
Donal.
Lovely Donal.
Donal’s words ring in my ears. ‘What do you love about Logan?’ In this moment, apart from the magnetic chemistry we had – used to have! – I really do not know. Yes, I admired his ambition, his creative energy, but I am also a creative! I’m also ambitious! I don’t need Logan to fuel me anymore. I can fuel myself!
And then it fully hits me. Like a wrecking ball to the head. It’s like the sun has broken through the dark clouds.I don’t love Logan Hunter anymore. It’s like I’ve been freed from a torture chamber. And it’s all down to Donal.
What am Ithinking? Donal’s a smart, lovely, unselfish, caring, kind, empathetic, funny, intelligent, interesting man – who likes me back!
‘Don’t go yet,’ Logan pleads.
‘Time’s up,’ I say, trying to make light, but my voice carries only sincerity and pain. It goes deeper than me telling my brain what to do.
But I see Logan now for who he is, was and always will be. I’m the luckiest woman in the world.
‘Come on, Gracie. You still love me, right? Remember what we had?’ Logan cajoles, as though I’m a naughty child. That tone he used to use on me to get his own way. The ‘now-now’.
I can’t believe how clearly I can see him now. It’s over.
He throws me his lopsided grin. ‘We are meant to be together – come on, you know this.’
‘Clearly not,’ I say standing tall.
He jerks his head back, a little shocked. ‘We so are.’ He nods up and down, ever so slowly, in the same tone. ‘You know it. I know it.’
‘Our wedding album tells a very different story.’ It’s a half-joke.
‘What album?’ he asks without thinking.
‘Exactly.’ I smile, just as a drunken guy stumbles past and bumps right into me, pushing me into Logan. Logan almost falls himself, grabs me, steadies himself on me, his arms on my shoulders. He uses the opportunity to squeeze them as the moon slides out from behind a cloud. ‘Give me another chance, please? I love you, Gracie, I need you.’ And as those words fall from his mouth I picture Donal across the table from me at Wagamama and I react like I’d never expected.
