Page 76 of Risk It All
“I’m just…I don’t know. I always thought change was bad and that you shouldn’t change yourself when you’re in a relationship, but then I think about my friends. Parts about them have changed, but it’s been for the better.”
“I think when you’re with the right person, you don’t expect them to change for you. You just make each other better, which inevitably leads to change.”
“So, do you think whatever woman you end up with, you’re going to love everything about her?”
“Oh, yeah,” he said confidently. “Otherwise, why would I be with her if I wasn’t obsessed with everything about her?”
I hummed. “Right, it’s the hopeless romantic in you.” I rolled my eyes playfully, but I couldn’t help the sinking feeling in my stomach at the thought of Leo with someone else.
At least he wouldn’t be in Golden Falls, so I wouldn’t have to see it.
“Do you think she’ll be equally as obsessed with you?”
“God, no,” Leo said on a laugh, grinning. “I just need her to put up with me.”
I let out a laugh of my own, continuing to move my fingers through his hair. “For what it’s worth, you’re not that bad to put up with.”
“And you deserve someone who’s obsessed with you,” he murmured. “The other night when you said things need to stay casual between us…do you think you’ll ever want something more than that?”
My fingers in his hair stilled. So much for hoping we’d both forget and move on from that conversation.
He must’ve mistaken my stillness for something else, because he added, “I’m not saying with me. Just in general.”
Had he asked me a few months ago, my answer would’ve been an easy no. I’d been certain I didn’t want more.
But then Leo came back into my life, and we crossed a line we desperately tried not to, and now…I could see the appeal of being with someone who knew you. Who knew your body. Who you could go out for a hike and have a picnic with.
But I still didn’t think the risk, pain, and heartache were worth it.
And I also didn’t think I’d ever feelthiswith someone else. Whatever was happening between Leo and me felt uniquely us. I wouldn’t be able to replicate it even if I wanted to.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “Maybe. I’ve started to wonder what I want my life to look like in ten, fifteen years. If I want to be with someone long-term. If I want kids. And I just don’t know. If I let myself think too hard about it, the answer might be yes, but…I don’t know if it’s worth the pain and heartache.”
I pushed past the fear of being vulnerable. I meant what I’d said earlier about trusting Leo and feeling safe around him. It was what made him so terrifying. But the fact that he was leaving made it a little less scary to be open.
Lily always claimed I wasn’t scared of anything. And there were a lot of things Iwasn’tscared of. Spiders, heights, or clowns didn’t phase me. I enjoyed horror movies and didn’t find haunted houses scary.
But there were two things I was terrified of.
Change and losing people I cared about. Maybe the two went hand in hand.
And it wasn’t that I was set in my ways. I wanted to evolve and be a better person. I wanted to grow my business and expand my skills. I constantly wanted to be a better friend, sister, and granddaughter. I enjoyed meeting new people…but I kept them at a distance, because my inner circle of people I couldn’t live without had gotten to its max. I didn’t want to open my heart to more loss.
Leo propped himself up with his elbows and sat up so he was facing me. “I think when you meet the right person, you’ll know and you won’t think about the heartache or what’s to come. You’ll just be thinking about the moment. You’re strong as hell, Eliza. You’re not one to let your fears get in the way of something orsomeoneyou want. You’ll know.”
My mouth fell open, and his words left me speechless both from how he saw me and how confident he was. I swallowed the lump in my throat, a shaky laugh escaping me that I hoped sounded more carefree than shocked. “Now are you speaking from experience?” He had to be. You didn’t justsaysomething like that unless you’d been in that position before—of knowing the risk was worth it.
Leo licked his lips, and his hesitation told me all I needed to know.
I quickly shook my head. “It’s okay if you are,” I added. “Sounds like she’s really special.”
His nostrils flared, and he shifted so he was sitting next to me against the tree. It took everything in me not to look at him,not to study his reaction. Just because his most recent ex hadn’t beenthe onedidn’t mean that there wasn’t someone out there who he’d been thinking about. Someone who he was in love with.
Someone who he loved everything about.
“If she’s the right person, then things will work out,” I tried to assure him, although I didn’t sound very hopeful. Jules and Lily were the ones with the inspirational words about love.
At least it got a laugh out of him.
