Page 30 of Risk It All
“Fucking bullshit.”
I hummed in agreement.
That was another reason why casual was easier. I didn’t have to share my fears or past with someone. I didn’t have to wonder if they were going to stick around for the day Ididfeel comfortable opening up.
It was easier for me to open up to friends, like Lily and Jules, because I knew true friends didn’t want anything in return. But sometimes when I shared the little things with Colin, I didn’t feel like he was truly listening. It was almost like it went in one ear and out the other until sex was involved.
I figured most men were like that.
Talking with Leo was different, though. It felt…safe.
The conversation turned lighter after that. He told me more about Portland and some of the other cities he’d love to visit. I shared my favorite spots in Golden Falls that he had to check out, including the Golden Finds ThriftStore, and some of my favorite memories from growing up, including a few embarrassing stories of Wes and Cooper.
The sun had long set, and we’d shifted from standing by the brick parapet to sitting on the lounge chairs, staring up at the night sky full of bright stars.
“How’s that cursed sex life of yours?” Leo asked.
I groaned. “Horrible. Just horrible.” I hoped things would improve next month once Golden Falls turned into a tourist town again. “And why is my sex life a topic of conversation? Why don’t you tell me about yours instead?” I challenged, although as soon as I said it, I realized I didn’t really want to know about the women Leo had been with.
He barked a laugh. “Because it’s nonexistent. I haven’t slept with anyone since my ex, and we broke up almost a year ago.”
I raised my brows, unable to hide my surprised expression. “Okay, so maybe you have a sex curse, too.”
“The things you say, Trouble.” Leo ran a hand over his stubbled jaw, momentarily closing his eyes. “No, I think this is fully on me. No curse involved. Just long and unpredictable hours, which make it hard to keep a relationship, as I’m sure you know.”
“That’s why I don’t do relationships.”
He looked over at me, brows raised. “You haven’t dated since Colin?” He didn’t try to mask the surprise in his tone.
I shook my head. “Haven’t wanted to. It’s easier to keep things casual.” Maybe my not pursuing a relationship was a little deeper than what I let on, but he didn’t need to know that. “I just…I don’t know. I don’t think it’s for me. It feels too…messy.”
“The best things in life are.”
When he parted his lips to continue, I beat him to it. “Before you say all that love is worth the effort crap, I’ve heard it all before.”
He let out a laugh, shaking his head. “How did you know I’d go on alove is worth the effortspiel?”
“Uh, because of your response.” His words sounded so similar to what I’d heard my best friends say. “Leo Rivers,” I said, turning toward him, “are you a hopeless romantic?”
Leo stayed quiet, as if he hadn’t heard me.
“You are!” I grinned.
He looked over at me, playfully unamused. “Maybe a little bit. But it hasn’t worked out for me—clearly.”
“You’re young. You have plenty of time,” I repeated his words from earlier.
He rolled his eyes, the corner of his mouth twitching as he tried not to smile. “You’re going to be the death of me, Trouble.”
“I sure hope not,” I retorted. “How else are you going to find the love of your life?”
10
ELIZA
In the yearI’d dated Colin, Leo and I interacted a handful of times. Usually, it was when we were visiting their mom or if Leo was in Madison. Even if we happened to have a conversation that was just between us, there was always someone else around.
Except for two times. Once when I’d called him and once when we almost kissed. The second memory had been harder to kick—as much as I’d tried.
