Page 100 of Risk It All
Everything I thought I did or didn’t want had been flipped on its head since meeting Leo—and now I had no clue what that meant. One thing I did know, though, was Leo had never asked me to changeanythingabout myself.
“I don’t want anything serious. He’s catching feelings, and I’m…”
I couldn’t even finish that sentence because if I said anything other thanand I’m right there with him, it would be a lie.
“I just don’t want anything serious,” I settled on. “I never have and that hasn’t changed.”
Lily had stayed quiet, listening intently while I rambled.
“Eliza,” she started, “I’ve never seen you happier or more yourself than these last few months. Youhavechanged, but it hasn’t been for him and it’s not in the way you think—it’s been for yourself and for the better. You’re moreyou.”
I shook my head again, not wanting to listen or believe the words leaving my best friend even though I knew she was right.
I felt happier, less scared. I was doing things out of my usual routine but also doing some of my favorite things with Leo. And he was along for the ride and open to having these experiences with me. He had never asked me to change for him. Not once had he made me feel like he didn’t appreciate every single thing about me.
But we were never supposed to change into something. We were always supposed to be temporary.
Sensing my panic, Lily came over to me, sitting on the edge of the chair. “Let yourself have this, Eliza,” she said softly. “Let yourself havehim. He’s not his brother and he’s not some guy who’s going to break your heart.”
I knew that. I knew down to my bones that Leo would never do anything to hurt me. That he was unlike any other man I’d been with.
That was the problem.
I already didn’t want to let him go…what would happen if I actually gave us a chance and then lost him?
I didn’t think I’d survive it.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “He’s leaving. That’s what we’d agreed on. It would only be sex and he’d leave. I can’t do more than that. I just can’t.”
Lily slid an arm around my shoulders, tugging me close and resting her head against mine. “It does matter,” she said quietly. “But you don’t have to figure it all out right now.”
I let out a shaky breath, letting her comfort settle over me like a warm blanket. For the first time in hours, maybe days, I felt a little of the tension in my chest loosen.
It didn’t solve everything, but it made the weight a little easier to bear.
And for a fleeting moment, I allowed myself to imagine what life could be like if Leo decided to stay.
37
LEO
Me
Are you home?
I textedEliza as I left Lake Ridge and headed to our apartment building. Today’s weather couldn’t be more perfect. Warm with a slight breeze and an orange and red sunset. We normally spent nights like this on the roof, and I hoped we could head up there tonight after I told Eliza how my plans had changed. How I wanted to stay. How I wantedus.
It was a risk—maybe even one of the biggest risks I’d take—but I hoped Eliza would give us a chance. Because I knew, Iknew, she felt something, too.
I climbed the flight of stairs and went to her door. After knocking and not getting a response, I figured she was at her grandma’s or maybe with Lily and Jules.
Right when I turned to head to my apartment, her door opened.
I turned around, an easy grin on my face. “Hey, Trouble,” I said as I approached and entered her apartment.
She had a tight smile as she closed the door behind me. From that simple look, my stomach flipped.
Something was wrong. When I reached for her, desperate to pull her in for a kiss, she leaned away, turning her head to the side. My heart plummeted, and my throat felt like sandpaper when I swallowed.
