Page 46 of The Karma Project
I wake up in a room that is not mine, and definitely one I have never been in. The bed is empty, but the sun is still low in its early rising stages. There is a soft warm hue of light dancing along the walls adding a rich contrast against the dark green paint.
I find myself in new clothes once again, this time I’m wearing a massiveBig Lebowskit-shirt that is so baggy on my frame it could definitely be worn as a dress. I check under the shirt to see that I’m wearing a pair of men’s boxers that are also far too big, and I have to roll them four times so they will stay on my hips.
I walk to a full-length mirror in the corner of the room to see that someone has also washed, brushed, and twisted my hair into a single braid that lays lazily down the middle of my back. Unlike yesterday’s impromptu pool fuck with Brandon, I can’t piece together any fuzzy memories.
The last thing I remember about last night was the torture with Darren, who is still in our basement, coming up for dinner, only being fed a few grapes, a banana, and oh yeah Brandon and Dean’s cum.
Dean.
I look back at the t-shirt I’m wearing, and it reminds me of the first conversation I had alone with Brandon. We talked about the movie posters, and I identified which movie went with who.
The Big Lebowski. This is Dean’s shirt, and judging by the size, the boxers are definitely his too. Is this his room?
I look back at my surroundings, this time with a new set of eyes to see if there are specific hints of Dean in here. The walls are a dark green, and instead of wood or marble like the rest of the house, is a black carpet that my bare feet are standing on. I curl my toes into the carpet, enjoying the warmth from the soft ground. The bed is massive, so big that it is definitely not a standard sized bed. It’s like if you pushed two California kings together. The bed is draped in a black, butter soft, silk duvet with little hints of gold in the stitching.
But other than the colors and a few books on a shelf above the dresser, there are no personalization's in the room. No photos, no collected knickknacks. I pulled open the dresser to snoop at the clothes in them, immediately I know this is for sure Dean’s room. So, the mystery ofwhereI am has been solved, but the reason as to why is unclear.
I pad my way out and into the hallway, to learn that his room is directly across from mine. I skip my way down the stairs and to the kitchen only to find it completely empty, no men debriefing around it like usual. There is some food left out on the table, but no note. I snack on a few things but don’t sit.
I haven’t been alone in days, so I choose to spend it how I normally would. I ignore the pang in my chest at the thought of not having them around. They may be in the basement but peaked in the garage to see that the SUV was gone. And ofcourse, I still don’t have my phone back, so I have no way to reach out. The situation is a little odd, but if it was an emergency I’m sure they would have woken me.
“Well, Z, what should we do with all this free time?” I ask myself as I walk aimlessly around the manor.
For a moment, I almost started peeking in rooms but opted out. Rooms can be a private space, and I can respect them enough not to snoop too much. Deciding better of it, I find myself in the gym. I don’t feel like getting on the weights, but I remember there being a sound system down here.
I choose ‘Yes & No’ by XYLO, turning the volume up as high as it can go. I hop on the treadmill, starting with a slow jog.
Running has always helped clear my head and make any tough decisions. Yesterday was a wild day. The warehouses, Darren, then the pool thing with Brandon, then Darren again, and then what happened in the kitchen with all of them.
It was incredible, all of them there, all of them involved.Even Dean, I remind myself. Max never actually touched me, but he was a crucial part of everything I felt. His words were filthy and taunting and I can feel my skin heat all over again just remembering it.
Dean didn’t speak at all, but I saw the look in his eye. He was into it just as much as the rest of us. Helikedseeing me like that. He finished in my mouth for fucks sake. I still have his and Brandon's tastes lingering in my mouth.I’m not sure I can ever look at a piece of fruit the same. The taste of grapes will forever be linked to what happened last night. And as if I can never be satiated, I want more. I want all of them. I want to feel all of them at one time. An image of them all taking me at once flashed in my brain and I stumbled on the treadmill, almost eating shitas I trip off of the machine. I hadn’t realized my jog had sped up to a full on sprint until I saw myself in the mirror practically dripping in sweat.
I approach my reflection and study my appearance. I look different. My eyes aren’t sunken in anymore, there is color in my cheeks for the first time in years, and my cheeks have filled in now that I’m eating regularly. I look good. I lift Dean’s shirt up to expose my waist, and I can see my womanly curves starting to show a little more prominently. Just then, the sound system switched to play ‘Devil’s Worst Nightmare’ by FJORA and instinctively I backed away from the mirror, and started letting my body move to the music.
I haven’t danced in years, not really, and not for pure enjoyment. Sure, I moved a little with Teddy when we were trying to get answers from Jax, but this is different. I’m not putting on a show, and nobody is enjoying me, but me.
My eyes flutter closed as the tempo starts to quicken, moving my hips in sync with the beat. Just like I said to Teddy last night, I feel at peace. For the first time in my life, which is a crazy thing to think about. We have so many targets pointed at us right now, and so many moving parts in our current situation, but I feel safe.
The song shifts to my favorite part, the lyrics rang out loud and I dropped to my knees, crawling to my reflection in the mirror.
Double, double, toil and trouble -
I stretch my arms in front of me, arching my back as I slide forward on my chest.
Something wicked this way comes -
I roll over to my back, arching my diaphragm up as I slowly slide up to a sitting position.
Light a candle in the window - Spirits linger, better run -
I roll myself into a split as the lines repeat themselves over again, slowly making my way up to my feet. Enjoying the thumping in my veins, living in the movements of my body.
My muscles feel alive as I jump, and sway, and spin. The air whips around me as I make one final movement and I let go, falling onto my back, closing my eyes as the song comes to an end. I lay there for a moment, letting oxygen refill my lungs with a love-sick smile stretched across my face.
A rumble of claps kicks me out of my trance, and I jolt up back to a sitting position to find all four men standing near the door frame. “Encore,” Brandon calls as he continues to clap with a devilish smirk.
I huff a breath and stomp to the sound system, cutting it off before it changes the song. “What the hell guys?” I bark, hoping to come off angry so I can hide the embarrassment I can feel coursing through my body. “You can’t just, you know, not announce yourself when you enter a room? And why was I left all alone this morning?”
