Page 76 of Pulse Zero
For a second, less than a second, something shifts in the way the shadows envelope me. It feels almost…comforting. Like they’re swaddling me. I could compare it to the way his knuckles brushed my cheek, like he has to balance his cruel words with a gentle touch.
But then they squeeze again, and I don’t know if it was real.
I sob. “I’m sorry, Reese. I’m s-so fucking sorry.”
“I don’t fucking care.” His voice is deeper, darker, like he’sbecominghis shadows. “Sorry doesn’t bring them back.”
They surge again. This time, they slip deeper into my lungs, filling the spaces where air should be. I choke on the darkness, coughing hard enough that my chest burns. My brain scrambles for something, anything, that might make this stop. Makehimstop.
I could tell him.
I could tell him the truth, the real reason I went after those anonymous accounts without a name. Not to seek vengeance for Malcolm, but forhim. For Reese. Because, in my mind, that’s who killed him—the person who hired him, not the people who rescued me.
I could tell him that I spent years hunting them down because revenge was the only thing that made the grief bearable, that kept me breathing after he was gone.
I could tell him that losing him hollowed me out so badly I didn’t know what else to do with the empty space.
But the words never leave my mouth.
Because if I say that…
If he hears how completely his death ruined me…
He’llknow.
He’ll know how I was never able to move on from him, my fuckingabductor. He’ll know I built my entire life around a man who kidnapped me and then died before I could barely hope he would run away with me.
Fucking pathetic.
And for the first time, I truly feel like it.
Pathetic. Weak. Desperate.
I think if he saw that, it’d be worse than the torture. Especially if it didn’t stop.
So I swallow the only words that could possibly save me. I have my doubts they would anyway. He wants to hurt me, and I don’t think anything will change his mind.
I lean sideways against the wall, my nail scraping against the concrete like maybe I could hold on to it for dear life. Every time his shadows ease their hold on me, I focus on breathing, on pushing the dread and the darkness away. But it all returns seconds later, the shadows swooping down to attack again.
I’m gasping, choking, coughing, sputtering. My face is drenched with tears, and I can’t see anything past the blur of them.
Okay, so I’m already pathetic and weak and desperate. But it could be worse if he knew the truth.
The pain is everywhere, but mostly in my lungs and in my head. As it gets harder and harder to breathe, the dread turns to panic and the panic turns to horror.
He’s going to fucking kill me.
The shadows retreat.
My body slumps against the wall, and my shoulders shake with every sob that rips its way out of my chest. I don’t even realize they’re gone right away because all that dread lingers. I might actuallywanthim to kill me right now.
Reese is close, his shadows drawing in around him, while agony and misery echo through me until they share the same pulse.
He steps closer. Close enough that, after I blink back the tears, I can make out the scars along his jaw and temple. Close enough that I can feel the heat of him even through the shadows that swim around us both.
And then, his gaze drops to my mouth.
It’s quick, accidental almost.
