Page 48 of Soft
He looked up when he was done. Told me it was well organized and easy to follow, his tone almost confused. It was like he expected the struggle. When it didn’t come, he couldn’t make sense of things.
That night, I sat on the back porch in the dark for a while and let myself feel it. All of it. The wanting and the tenderness I felt towards Grizzly. The ache I had when he was around and I couldn’t have him.
I still kept my vow to wait for him. Waiting didn’t translate to being absent. It meant keeping close, so that when the time came he could trust me, I’d be waiting with open arms.
Grizzly had been quieter than usual the morning things changed. It wasn’t his normal quiet though. Something was brewing.
I gave him the space for it, instead focusing on my own work. We went most of the morning without anything other than the ordinary shuffle of the four of us around the office.
Around noon I went to refill my water and came back to find him standing at my desk, looking at the document I had open on my laptop. He didn’t look like he was snooping. More like it had caught his attention unexpectedly.
He looked up as I approached, expression unreadable. In all my time of watching Grizzly, he’d never looked like this. I had no clue what to think about it.
"Your formatting," he said. "On the documents. The emails."
I set my water bottle down. "Yeah?"
"It changed a few weeks ago. And the way you describe things when you hand me stuff before I even look at it.”
My gaze remained locked with his. I wanted him to get all the way there. Wanted him to see what I’d been doing.
He gasped softly. “The lighting in the conference room. You've been doing all of this without saying a word. Why?"
"I noticed some things," I said, keeping my voice easy. "I wanted to be useful without making it a conversation you weren’t ready to have yet."
He looked at me for a long while. It was just the two of us since the others had left to get food. I appreciated the timing. We didn’t need an audience.
"I need to tell you something. But not here. Would you come over tonight? To my place."
"Yes," I replied quickly.
He nodded. “Can you do seven?”
"I'll be there. Should I bring anything with me?"
“Just yourself.” He went back to his office, leaving me alone at my desk, shaken to my core.
Tonight he was going to tell me.
Whatever it was—and I was fairly certain I already knew—he was going to say it out loud, to me, which meant he had decided I was safe enough to say it to. That wasn’t a small thing. That was, by my count, monumental.
And I was ready. More than ready.
I picked up my phone and sent him one text before I could second-guess the impulse.
Paxton:I know you said I didn’t need to, but I'm going to bring food. You shouldn’t have to worry about anything.
Grizzly:Thank you, Paxi.
CHAPTER 16
Grizzly
The minute I got home, I went on a cleaning spree. My house was never truly messy. But with such an important conversation looming, I had a lot of extra energy I needed to get rid of.
I straightened the living room first. Then I wiped down the kitchen counter and made sure there were no dishes in the sink. After I felt okay about things, I sat down on the couch only to stand back up five minutes later because I needed something to do with my hands.
By six forty-five, the house was as clean as it was going to get, and I had run out of things to straighten. Standing in the kitchen, I shook out my hands as I bounced on the balls of my feet. It was now or never.
