Page 41 of Soft
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I swear I meant it as a compliment. There’s just not enough color and comfort in here. I expected a bit more of your Little side is all.”
Oh.
His words set off the butterflies in my tummy again. I could feel Little me rising to the surface as I took in his praise.
“Anyway, I came here before leaving to give you this.” He held the bear out. “I saw it while we were driving around earlier this week. Pops was able to pull over so I could grab it for you.”
“You stopped to get this for me?”
I took it from him, already aware from the weight and the give of it that this would be the perfect snuggling partner. It was large enough that I needed both arms for it. Brown, densely soft, with a round, adorable face.
He was the cutest bear in all the land. And this man, this man who wanted to be my Daddy, had given it to me.
I stood there holding this bear, feeling as if everything in my life had led me to this moment. It was a silly thought. One that didn’t really make sense.
Yet I couldn’t shake the rightness of it.
"Paxton," I said. I wasn’t entirely sure what I meant to follow that with. Only that I needed to ground myself and his name would do so.
"I bought it before I could overthink it too much." He put his hands into his back pockets. "I meant to drop it off sooner, but things kind of took off after we bought the house. I've been thinking about what it would look like, you getting home after a long day and having something good waiting for you. Something that reminded you of me."
I looked at the bear and then back at him.
"You also—" He stopped, rethought whatever he had been about to say, and started again. "You're going to think this is strange, but I want to remember you happy. The image I have of you from right now is the one I want to take on the flight. And I figured this bear was a reasonable way to make that happen."
The way he said it so simply made it all the more special. I thought about all the years I’d believed people would assume I wouldn’t enjoy things like this. They’d only see my size, not the Little I truly was.
"It’s not strange," I told him.
He smiled wide at my words. I had to look at the bear because it was easier than looking at him. He made me feel way too much.
"I'll go," he said when I didn’t add on to my statement. "I didn't want to intrude on your day. I just needed to get this to you."
"I'm glad you did. Thank you."
He moved back toward the door. I followed, and at the threshold, he turned and looked at me one more time with thebear still in my arms. The expression on his face was warm. I couldn't look away from him.
"I'll see you in a few weeks?" The question shouldn’t have been a question at all. Of course we’d be seeing each other. I was his agent now.
The thought sent a bit of unease through me. I squeezed the new bear tighter to my chest, pushing away the bad feelings.
"I'll be here," I told him. “Goodbye, Paxi.”
His eyes widened slightly at the nickname. Then his face transformed before my very eyes. The nervous, unsure version of him was gone. In his place was a giddy man who looked as if he’d just won the lottery.
“Goodbye for now, Grizzly.” He nodded once after that, and then he slipped out the door.
I closed it behind him, then stood in the silence of my house with both arms full of my new friend. It was like a part of him was still here with me. And when I leaned down to bury my face in the bear’s fur, I caught the distinct scent I’d come to catalog as Paxton’s.
No, not Paxton. Paxi.
My Paxi.
My…Daddy.If I let him be, of course. If I told him it was what I wanted.
Later that night, when it came time for bed, I took my new bear with me. Normally all my stuffies went into the playroom. But I couldn’t bring myself to let this one go.
I needed him with me. Needed to keep him close so I wouldn’t think about the handsome young man with the gentle soul who’d given him to me.
