Page 31 of Soft
“Thank you for caring, Moseley. You’re a good friend.”
He snapped his fingers. “Exactly. Which is why you need to tell me what’s going on.”
The door opened at his words. “Me too. I willnotbe left out of the updates,” Cheyenne demanded.
“Did you have your ear against the door?” I smirked as the visual came to mind.
She rolled her eyes. “Enough about me. Tell us about you. We want to know. We want to help.”
I gave them the summary. Not the medical language, just the straight version.Gradual decline in vision. Would become legally blind. Needed to prepare.
They listened without interrupting even once. When I finished, it was quiet for a moment. Moseley had his elbows on his knees, looking at the middle of my desk. Cheyenne was biting her lip as her knee bounced.
“While it’s not the best news,” I started. “It’s the reality of my future. I need to know now if you’re on board for this or if we should part ways. I’d hate to lose you both. You’re like family. But I understand not?—”
“Shut up.”
I froze at Cheyenne’s cold tone. Moseley was still too, though his eyes were wide enough to show his shock.
“There is not a chance in hell I’m leaving you. How shitty does a person have to be to leave when someone is struggling?” She held up her hand. “Don’t answer that. I’ll just be more pissed. Anyway, my point is that we are here. We are with you. Whatever change comes, you’ve already got two people at your side ready to figure it out.”
Moseley bobbed his head quickly. “Everything she said. Absolutely.”
"I'm serious, Grizzly. I know you think you have to handle everything alone because that's what you're used to doing. But I'm telling you right now that whatever you need, we’re here for it. If that means learning different software or reading things out loud or reorganizing how we do things or whatever else comes up, then that's what we do. This agency is doing good work. We're not going to let anything take that from you." Cheyenne’s voice never wavered through her speech. It was illuminating to see her be such a shark to me when she’d always played soft with clients.
The earnestness was almost too much to sit with. They were both so young and looking at me like this was the most obvious thing in the world. Like of course they would do all of that. There was no alternative in their minds.
"This is why I'm keeping you on full-time when your internship ends. You two get me better than anyone else has," I said to Moseley, because if I said anything else, I was going to embarrass myself.
He grinned, making him look all of sixteen. "I know. Cheyenne told me."
“Sure did. He deserved to not panic about this,” she said proudly.
The three of us were quiet together for a minute.
"We've got you," she said simply. "Whatever it looks like going forward. You don't have to figure it all out today."
"I know," I said. Sitting with them, I felt like I wouldn’t have to go through this completely alone.
I stopped and picked up takeout on the way home. Comfort food that was cooked by someone else, because I had used up everything I had for thinking today. I ate at the kitchen table without turning any lights on except the one over the stove. It left everything a little dim and close, which felt right.
Then I did what I always did when the world had been too much.
My playroom was exactly as I had left it. I changed into my pajamas, the ones with the little moons on them that I'd had for years and couldn't bring myself to replace no matter how worn they got. Then I gathered Benny, the stuffed bear that had seen me through many a rough day, and I settled into the pile of blankets in the corner.
I didn't try to think about anything in particular. I let the room do what it was designed to do.
Next thing I knew, my phone was in my hand, the thread with Paxton open showing the short messages we’d exchanged. Nothing too personal. Nothing too deep. Anyone reading them wouldn’t have a clue of the tension between us.
Paxton was here. In Bellport. Had been here while I was at work today, probably charming every person he came across without even trying as he wandered through the city. Because that was apparently just what he did.
I turned my phone over and back a few times. Benny got pulled a little tighter to my chest.
Business first,I told myself. That was still the thing that made the most sense. There was a real professional relationship to build before anything else. Building it correctly would give both of us a solid ground to stand on regardless of what happened after. If I led with business, I wasn't leading with my feelings. A safer bet for everyone.
But then again, Paxton had already put his feelings on the table in a room full of people without even blinking. The least I could do was acknowledge them properly.
I typed slowly, reading each word back before I moved to the next.
