Page 16 of Soft
Dr. Whipell kept up a running stream of conversation as she checked my eyes. Not once did she give any indication of what she found. I was left floundering while she constantly asked which letter was better on the wall.
Finally, after everything was done and the lights came on, I saw the truth. Her sad expression meant bad news for me.
Oh, joy.
“You have what’s known as macular degeneration. It’s a disease that affects your macula, which is the central part of your retina. This means your central vision will be the one that you struggle with. Seeing off to the sides in your peripheral is fine. Does that sound right?”
I kept my lips close together as I nodded, too afraid I’d sob if I spoke. Fear and sadness blended together in an emotional cocktail I barely held steady.
“Now then, the good news is that this will be gradual. You may notice more and more that you struggle to see things right infront of you, however, you are not likely to lose your vision entirely. But you may reach a point where you are considered legally blind. We’ll discuss that if the time comes.”
There was a buzzing in my ear at her words. I heard them, but they didn’t sink in. And then I was floating… No! I was falling.
Dr. Whipell screamed for help as I landed on the floor. The last thing I saw was her worried expression.
I pulled the blanket tighter around my shoulders as a chill tore through me. My house was always kept cooler than it should have been. At least, that’s what my mother would have said when I was growing up.
Homes were supposed to be seventy-four and not a degree less. It was considered the optimal temperature for all things. Never too cold. Never too warm.
But for me, it was a nightmare. How was I supposed to enjoy my blankies if it wasn’t cool? And footie pajamas were a nightmare at anything above sixty-eight. I knew because I’d tested it several times to be sure.
Pushing away thoughts of my mother’s judgment, I focused back on the screen in front of me. The text was enlarged as far as my tablet would allow. Even then, the words were a struggle to navigate. I had given myself plenty of time to review the stats on a player I was interested in scouting soon. His potential reminded me a lot of the great players of our day. And if I could verify his last game went as well as I’d thought, then I would be booking time in my schedule to go see him soon.
After getting rushed to the emergency room late last week, I found myself on mandatory bedrest for the time being. Or rather, I was up until today. My first day of freedom didn’t feel all that free. It felt like I had a task list a mile long and no energy to complete it.
Speaking of things to take care of in the near future…
At some point, I’d have to open the email from Dr. Whipell with the details of my test results. It had been in my inbox for nearly a week already. I couldn’t bring myself to read its contents though. Not until I was in a better mindset.
The truth of the matter was that I was losing my sight. Whether it would be good news or bad wasn’t the question. It was more about the timeline of things.
Already in my late thirties, I knew I was running out of time to find a Daddy of my own. Most men looked at me and didn’t think twice about considering me a dominant person. The bulky muscles, thick beard, and overall bossy stature I presented in my professional life didn’t help at all.
If they took a moment to look past the exterior, then they’d see the truth. I was a Little through and through. The only dominance I practiced was in guaranteeing my clients got the best deals. I could hold my own in a meeting or on a conference call. That was never an issue.
Get me in a room full of toys, and my energy shifted. I would often lose myself to the soft side I kept buried. There was no missing it.
After another half hour of slow scrolling through all the details I could find on the potential future powerhouse for the BellportBears, I texted my friend Monty to see if he had any plans. He was quick to answer, though it wasn’t what I’d hoped.
Monty:Heading to a party over at Jake’s place. You want in?
Grizzly:Is this a party-party or a Little thing?
Since Monty had come to my apartment a few months ago, he knew the secret I’d been keeping from the world. He’d taken one look at the fluffy blankets, pastel-colored furniture, and toys, and knew who I was. It helped that he was a Middle in a relationship with a Little and a Daddy.
Not much shocked my friend, though I knew my hidden desire was eye-opening. From that day forward, he’d invited me to every gathering he could. And like the avoidant introvert I was, I’d turned them all down with work as my excuse.
Only this time, I couldn’t say it was work. My mistake came in how I’d given myself away by starting with personal stuff rather than business things.
Monty:You already know the answer. Stop avoiding us and come. You’ll have a good time. I promise.
I had no doubt things would be fun. Jake Bellport was notorious for hosting a good time. Much like Monty, he had two partners, though his were both Daddies. It made sense to anyone who truly spent time with Jake. He needed more than one man to set him straight.
A laugh erupted from my chest at the thought. Jake was as far from straight as I was. Women were beautiful. I just never had the urge to be with one in any type of relationship other than friendship.
Grizzly:I’m nervous.
It took everything I had to send those two little words. Not because I thought my friend would judge me, I just didn’t know what would come next if I did embrace this opportunity.
