Page 64 of Soft
The subtle trust fortified my goal to give him the best Little time he’d ever had. No more being alone. My boy had friends who wanted nothing more than to spend time with him.
Jake Bellport's house had a warmth to it that I hadn't fully appreciated the first time because I'd been too busy trying to understand the landscape of everyone’s dynamics. Now I knew what I was walking into.
I knew where the Littles would be set up, their toys and snacks in the same space as before to keep things organized. I knew there would be Daddies in easy chairs and on the couch, with a few scattered around the edges of the space keeping a generalwatch over everything. I knew that the noise level would be comfortable and that the lighting would be okay for my boy’s eyes.
Jake happily agreed to change the bulbs in that area after I explained Grizzly needed softer lighting. He didn’t ask me to clarify the reason why. The request was met with excitement and “That’s a great idea because big lights are scary” as a response.
Grizzly's first time back in the space needed to be welcoming. He didn’t need to think about his vision or struggle in any way. I was going to take care of everything. His needs. His wants. Him.
As we approached the front door, my boy’s steps slowed. I adjusted the duffle bag on my shoulder before turning to him.
“What’s going on in that beautiful brain, baby?”
"Big house," he answered.
I smiled at the way his tone started to shift. "Sure is. And you've been here before."
"Diffwent."
He meant things had changed since then. There was anus. I’d accepted him both Big and Little. He didn’t have to do it alone this time.
"You know Monty will be in there.” I ran my knuckles over his cheek. "Probably already got a spot staked out with his game console and an extra blankie for you.”
“Yeah?”
“Absolutely! Plus, you don't have to do anything in there that you don't want to, baby. We can sit in the back. We can leaveearly. We can do whatever makes sense for us. I'll follow your lead."
His eyes squinted at me. It was a long moment before he spoke again. “Pwomise, Daddy!”
"Cross my heart and hope to die.”
“Daddy, no! You not die!” My boy’s lower lip started trembling.
I pulled him to my chest. “No, don’t cry. It’s just an old saying. I should have thought of how my Little precious baby would feel hearing that. Daddy is sorry.”
The door opened as I rocked him side to side. I held up my finger to whoever it was since we both needed a minute. We’d go inside soon and play. And I’d make today perfect so my boy could see just how much he meant to me.
After our long hug, my boy seemed better. He still gripped my hand like he was about to face his doom, but the rest of him was mostly relaxed.
Jake bounced over to us the minute we stepped inside. He was in a soft green pullover with a small embroidered patch on the chest that said “Daddy’s Favorite Troublemaker” on it.
"I’m so glad you’re here,” he told us after wrapping his arms around both our shoulders. I had to lean down for him to reach, though he didn’t seem to mind.
Grizzly tucked himself into my side when Jake pulled away. “Thanks for inviting us. We’re happy to have friends we can share these special times with. Right, baby?”
He nodded, his head leaning on my shoulder. Jake took in Grizzly’s reserved nature with an understanding expression.
"My house likes people in it." Jake glanced at me briefly, a check-in that was award winning in its subtlety, and I gave him a small nod. He looked back at Grizzly. "There's a good spot in the back corner. Monty's already camped there. Told me to send you when you got here. We have lots of snacks today. If you need something and you can't find it, grab me or Maddox. No pressure on anything tonight. Have fun being you.”
Jake left as quickly as he came over, skipping back into the throng of Littles playing together. I steered Grizzly over in the direction where Monty was supposed to be. He was fairly easy to spot given his Daddy, a man named Skye, had bright red hair and was about as tall as me. Skye, Monty, and their other partner Danny were close enough to guide our path.
Large floor cushions and a pile of blankets were the first things I noticed about the area. It wasn’t exactly like Grizzly’s playroom, but it was a pretty damn good replica.
Monty was already settled into one of the cushions with a soft gray blanket pulled to his chest, his gaze on a handheld video game system. He looked up when we reached him, and his whole face went warm.
"Hey, Grizzly," Monty greeted.
My boy hummed, watching his friend as he paused his game and reached out a hand.
