Page 113 of Soft
“You, what?” My boy blinked rapidly, as if trying to understand the words.
“When I dropped him off, I intended for him to be a comfort, but also as a reminder of how much I cared for you. Given that we both work in sports, last names are a big deal. When I sent thetext, it was more me phishing to see if you’d done what I hoped you would.”
“You were bluffing.” Pops cackled after stating his realization. “That’s amazing. You are so your mother’s child.”
Grizzly’s expression shifted from confusion to understanding at Pops’s words. He whined, going somewhat petulant as he grumbled, “You’re a meanie. I can’t believe you tricked me.”
“It was more wishful thinking that trying to trick you, baby. I’m honored you thought to name him after me. He’s part of our family too.”
We chatted for a while after my confession. Topics ranged from baseball to design ideas to having a housewarming party for us. I knew if I mentioned the latter to any one of our friends it would be a done deal. It was a task for later since hunger had arrived with a vengeance.
My boy’s stomach growled mid-sentence. His ears and cheeks turned red.
“No need to be embarrassed,” Pops pointed out. “I could use a bite myself.”
We ordered lunch and ate it in the living room because we wanted to stick close together. Sometime during the move-in process, our comfort levels with one another deepened. Grizzly appeared to be more at ease with Pops. That was a relief all its own. I wanted the two of them to be close since they were the most important people in my life.
My boy had gotten so comfortable, he even pulled his bear close to sit beside him. The small, casual domesticity of the gesturewarmed my heart. The ease of the motion was new. It meant a lot that he trusted my pops to allow this part of himself out.
Pops had been quieter since the conversation about Wells, which meant he was preparing to ask something that might be a touch uncomfortable. "Can I say something?" he asked, gaze focused on Grizzly.
My boy looked up. "Of course."
Pops set his container down and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "I know about what went down with your parents, and I want to be clear with you about where I stand now that you and Paxton are living together. What those people did wasn’t parenting. That's not even basic decency. And you deserve to hear that from someone who knows the difference. Someone who sees you, who cares for you, and wants you to know how special you are.”
My boy’s lower lip trembled. Tears streamed down his cheeks. It took everything in me to not wrap him up in my arms. He needed to hear these words though. He needed to know the depths of which he was loved.
"I've been thinking about whether to say this for a while," Pops continued, "because it's not my place to tell you what to do about your family. That's yours. But I can tell you what I see from where I'm sitting. I see a man who built a whole life by himself. Who took care of everyone around him and asked for nothing back. That's not the history of a man who had good parents. That's the history of a man who survived the absence of them.
“I'm not trying to replace anyone. I know I can't do that, and I wouldn't try. But I want you to know you have a pops now. If you want one. I come with opinions about food and an inabilityto stay out of other people's business. Also, I will absolutely embarrass you in public without meaning to. But I show up. That's the main thing. I show up, and I stay."
Grizzly set his container down on the cushion beside him. His hands came to rest on Wells, and his fingers moved in the slow, automatic way he did when he was grounding himself.
"The call," he started, and stopped.
"You don't have to explain it," Pops said.
"I want to." Grizzly looked at him directly. "When they called the office. When my mother said what she said. There was a moment after Auden took the phone, where I was standing there thinkingthis is still what they do to me. After everything. After all this time. I'm still the person they can belittle whenever they want. I've been done with them for a long time. I think I just needed to say it out loud to make it true all the way through."
Pops nodded. "Then it's true. You’re my kid now. I’m going to tell everyone how awesome my sons are and brag like crazy. I’m the luckiest dad in the world."
The dam on my boy’s emotions broke. He began to sob, his face contorting into a look so broken I couldn’t sit by anymore. It was only Pops’s hand raising to stop me that held me back.
He moved to sit beside Grizzly, then he slowly wrapped his arms around my boy. I watched as my pops held the love of my life close, not once seeming bothered. If I had to guess, the look on his face was relief. Like he was finally free to openly care for the man who meant the most to me.
I’d watched Grizzly learn to let things in for months. It was the quietest, most significant thing I had ever had a front-row seatto. The gradual, deliberate expansion of what he would allow himself to receive.
And now this.
He’d spent a long time believing the wrong people's assessment of him. I’d done everything I could to show him it wasn’t true. But I wasn’t a parental figure for my boy. Not in the way he needed reassurance for.
That’s where Pops came into play. It’s where he thrived.
I couldn’t have asked for better parents.
My boy had been managing the wound his parents left without knowing that's what he was doing. Now he had my pops around to help heal the wound instead of pushing the pain down.
Grizzly’s tears slowed after a bit. Then he was wiping his face and pulling back with a somewhat embarrassed look. I shook my head, ready to tell him he was fine.
